I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing

I could stay awake just to see you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you are far away and dreaming
I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever and ever
I don’t wanna close my eyes
I don’t wanna fall asleep
Cause I miss you, baby
And I don’t wanna miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I’d still miss you, baby
I don’t wanna miss a thing
And I don’t wanna miss one smile
And I don’t wanna miss one kiss
Well I just wanna be with you right here
With you just like this
Well I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time
Don’t wanna close my eyes
I don’t wanna fall asleep
Cause I’d miss you, baby
And I don’t wanna miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I’d still miss you, baby
And I don’t wanna miss a thing
Don’t wanna close my eyes
I don’t wanna fall asleep
Yeah, I don’t wanna miss a thing….

Today's Agenda

8AM- Breakfast at Mc.Donald's with Genny and Ruth

10AM - Jasmine's Wedding
Reception at Villa Virginia Resort

2PM - Meet Aris & Charvie
Re: Reservation and Registration for the Field Trip
Form for the Christmas Party

3PM - Coffee Break @ STARBUCKS with Migs

4PM - Deaf Festival: Cultural Show @CSB

6PM - DAW Closing Ceremony @ Quezon Circle

7PM - Dinner/Party.

10PM - Chat with Lester
Re: Deaf Rowing Team Management

Smoking in Mirc

UnAsigned: Melissa`
Melissa`: what?
UnAsigned: do u still smoke
Melissa`: yea why?
UnAsigned: gimmie
Melissa`: no u don't smoke
Melissa`: besides i won't contribute to the delinquency of a minor
Melissa`: lol
UnAsigned: i used to
UnAsigned: do ur kids
Melissa`: not that i'm aware of
UnAsigned: gimmie 1
Melissa`: ok i'll dcc u one
UnAsigned: k
UnAsigned: sigh
Melissa`: did u get it?
UnAsigned: no
UnAsigned: i think u sent me the wrong pic
Melissa`: oh
UnAsigned: dirty mel
Melissa`: yah i sooo am
* Melissa` rolls her eyes
UnAsigned: :(
georgie`: umel
Melissa`: memel
Melissa`: lol
georgie`: lol

INVERTED

* `eigroeg is now known as georgie`
[15:50] oh! georgie turned around :)
[15:50] looooooool

An Intruder

Last night I was in my usual habit of chatting online, however, I wasnt chatting at all. I was instead, downloading music. Yup! I was downloading music files being sent by online friends. Seriously, I was! I had downloaded two music files before I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I went back in my room after I closed the lights in the common room. My roomates we're all on vacation since it's semestrial break so, I was left alone in the apartment. It wasn't long as I was clearing my bed with some stuff when I noticed the door was shaking as if someone is trying to get my attention by shaking it. Being deaf, I will not be able to hear a knock even if you knock louder unless I am holding something that can send impact of the sound or vibration.

I stared at the door in disbelief. Now who could it be at this hour of the night? I am sure it can't be my roomate as it's soo late in the night besides, she told me she will be back after three weeks and its just less than a week since she left. So, I wondered if it's the guard. But why would the security come up and shake my door? Is there an emergency? Is there a fire? I don't smell any smoke. We had an earthquake a few days or week back. I can't remember though when exactly it was but what I remember was the earthquake was strong because it shook the entire bed. I felt it even I was moving....but that night I didn't feel any earthquake. So I went near the door and quickly double locked it. I was glad I have the habit of locking the door knob otherwise, we'll never know.... Anyway, after double locking the door, the shaking didn't stop. Oh shit! someone is truly outside prolly wanting to get in or for me to open the door but there was no knocking. I went on my knees to look at the bottom of the door with my face on the floor to see if there was light. Surely if this is an emergency, whoever is outside would open the lights as it was completely dark when I turned off all the lights in the common room.

But again, shit! no lights and it was completely dark! I moved away and went to my bed. My laptop was beside me. I was scared shit as hell!!! This is NOT a joke, the door is shaking!!! I typed messages on my laptop, the first person I informed was...icks! my mexican bf... sheesh! No help as to what I will do! I saw another friend online and told him what is happening. He said to call the police. Oh dear, how can I? I'm deaf. Again the door shook. F*@#! HELP! I was trembling that moment but I did not scream. I cannot scream, it's not me. I don't scream or become hysterical in this kind of situation 'cuz if I do that I will break into laughter. It's not me golly and I am serious I DON'T scream for help. I was trying to think what to do, I was aware I was losing my right sense of thinking by asking people online for help. But shit! How can I call? I don't know the police number. The fone at Dad's house was cut and I don't have my address booklet so, I don't know any friends or relatives I can call for help. This is such a BUMMER!!! I saw my cellphone on the table and grabbed it. The first person I sent a text message was my brother Steff (he is 8 years older than me). Next, our eldest brother Ferdie and then the secretary of the building. I asked her to please have the security guard come up and to turn on all the lights in the common room and check the place. It took like forever before I saw lights outside and knew there was help already. When I opened my room door I saw the cleaning lady clutching the keys and the guard was entering the other room beside mine with his gun on the ready. It was real and scary.The cleaning lady had a worried look on her face and I told her what happened.... When the guard came out he went to the bathroom and checked the window. He said everything is okay. Nobody is inside. I asked if he had checked the fire escape. He went there and we followed. He checked first the other room and even checked underneath the bed. Nobody was there. He opened the door leading to the fire escape and checked. Nothing. PHEW!

But I did tell them I saw the door was really shaking as if someone is moving it, trying to get in or calling my attention.They told me it must be the wind. WHAT? I had all my bags hanged at the door, the bags were heavy enough to steady the door and beside, the door wasnt shaking slightly! How can a wind shake a door that violent? They told me not to worry and to lock everything. I left all the lights on in the common room and I didn't sleep until I felt truly tired and sleepy. I tried to do some stuff to make me stay awake as I still feel shaken by the experience and sleep won't come. I even notice I called for my cousin's help in msn. God! this is terrible! Steff sent me a message this morning asking how I am. The secretary of the building also sent me a text message asking how I am and if everything is okay now. I thanked them both and assured them everything is okay and that I am fine now. Steff told me to go home if I will be left alone in the apartment but I cannot do that as I still have work in College.

Anyway, that experience taught me a few things: First of all is to be MORE CAREFUL! 2nd, to have double lock on the door of the common room. 3rd, get a new handset of fone that has special features so I can feel the vibration and know when someone answer my call and lastly is to keep emergency numbers with me at all times!

SMILE

Smile, though your heart is aching

Smile, even though it's breaking

When there are clouds in the sky

You'll get by...

If you smile

With your fear and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just...

Light up your face with gladness

Hide every trace of sadness

Although a tear may be ever so near

That's the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what's the use of crying

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just...

Smile, though your heart is aching

Smile, even though it's breaking

When there are clouds in the sky

You'll get by...

If you smile

Through your fear and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile...

That's the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what's the use of crying

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile

These tears I cry

These tears I cry
Drawn from a well of sorrow
A well so deep
That it knows no end
Just like the tears
Waiting for their turn to fall


These tears I cry
Walking alone the road of life
I stumble and fall
Over the edge of despair
Trying to find a way out
Only to realize that there is none


These tears I cry
As I remember
All the grief and pain grasp my heart
Now too fragile it might just burst
And my hope and love all disappear
Gone lost forevermore


These tears I cry
Like sharp, deadly arrows
So angry and fast
And so hot they burn my cheeks
Like salty waterfalls
Rushing to meet the end


These tears I cry
While hoping they'll stop
But knowing they'll never will
For a river keeps flowing
Waterfalls keep rushing down
And my well knows no end


Like the tears I cry



Special thanks to sweethatred

A grain of sand and heaven

to see the world

in a grain of sand

and heaven

in a wild flower

holds infinity

in the palm

of HIS hand

and eternity

in an hour...

DAC's Halloween Party

These pictures are courtesy of Carolyn and were all taken from last Saturday night. The spooky party started at promptly 8pm and ended at 11pm.We hanged out at Lovella's pad until 1am before going to Thomas Morato to get some booze and chill.

We stayed in a bar with pool and karaoke. Art and I were both so hungry by the time we reached Quezon City at around two o' clock in the morning.We ended up ordering and eating grilled seafoods, chicken and pancit.

The Fantastic 4 (Gilbert, Macky, Art and I) shared the bills of our first HOLY meal. (it was Sunday already)while others had their own groupings. Most of them were drinking beer, I was only having coffee to keep me awake.

I ended up going home at 3am. Ruben & Andref went
went home with me and I slept at 5am. I have a tutorial

this Sunday from 2-6pm... It was truly one HELL of a

fun!!!

KID's TALK these days...

BOY:
"Can I touch you softwear?"

GIRL:
"Show me first your hardware."

BOY:
"Can I install it in your system?"

GIRL:
"If you protect it with ANTI-VIRUS!"

Sabado Night!

Claire's birthday bash!
It was Sabado Night, it was the gig of the night. I was actually rushing earlier in the morning from meeting my college students at 9am to 12noon then, I rushed to my tutor that ended at 3pm. Next, the mall, I had to get myself something to wear for an hour at the mall. Just an HOUR!!! Luckily, I caught up with the train and I didn't get late at the meeting place. Whew! We all met at 6pm in Mc.Donald's Taft Ave. We huddled together in a friend's car, actually my ex's. Pfff! Anyway, we headed to Glorietta 3 for the birthday dinner amidst the traffic and when we got there we couldn't find the restaurant..thanks to my ex for leading the way.Sheesh!

Anyway, the food was great, we all had pasta after pasta of spaghetti, lasagna, pizzas and lotsa lotsa iced teas!!! I must have drank too much 'cuz I felt my stomach was like a sponge afterwards....

more pics taken after dinner in an open lounge and we had a couple of drinks and chit-chats.... I was as usual staging a scenario of comedy or I was prolly getting tipsy.LOL!

Because You Loved Me!

To: ‘Bubbles and MrLynd
From: Nilla

Because You Loved Me
By Celine Dion

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy that you gave to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I’ll be forever thankful
You’re the one who helped me up
Never let me fall
You were the one who saw the truth
Through it all

Chorus:

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best that was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faith coz you believed
I was everything that I am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings
You made me fly
You touched my hands
I could touch the sky
I lost my faith
You gave it back to me
You said no star is out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I’m grateful for each day you gave to me
Maybe I may not know that much,
but I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were always there for me
Your tender ways that carried me
You light up a star
shinning your love into my eyes
You’ve been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place
Because of you.

People

People are often unreasonable
illogical, and self-centered
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, People may accuse
you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some
false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank,
people may cheat you;
Be honest and franks anyway.

What you spend years building,
someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness,
they may e jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today,
People will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have,
and it may never be enough
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis,
it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

Sonnets

I

After the rain, the sun will appear
It will shine through you
Within you, to light the gloom
After the storm, the sky will clear up
Where there is darkness, there is hope.
And the sun will shine through you
Within you, to light the gloom...
After you were gone
I faced a new phase of life,
I braved things alone
Even though I knew it won't be easy
and i have to start all over again.
Because after you, of course,
Life still have to go on for me.


II

Each day when i think of you
It makes me smile, dream and afterwards
I would be laughting hard
for recalling all the days that are past and gone
Then, I would sigh
My laughters would fade
and my joys turns into a solemn thought of the reality
that I am all alone now,
it makes me feel cold and empty.
But nevertheless, life still goes on for me
Even without you
For i know, someday or somehow
There will be a time If we are truly meant to be---
I knew, you'd come back home to me...


III


When the sun shines
You write in wishpers
you smile upon recalling
the old golden days
thinking deep beneath...
I wish i could melt your blues
and ease away the pain that hurts
you know I would
and i would love too,
just for you.
But the sun
is not shinning here
and there's no wishper
except tears...


IV


Yesterday,
If you could remember our yesterday
Sweet as the honey and flowers of May
And if you remember our past,
that had happened so fast
The stream that flows to the sea
the wind to the skies and to the trees
our love I know has never ended
and all the times we have shared
But the things that happened in the past
I know all will never come back
you are for me
the ONLY ONE
no matter what you have become...

RELEASE ME

I know that it's time for a change
Mmm but when that change comes
Will you still feel the same?
How many times have I tried to turn this love around?
I don't want to give up
But baby it's time I had two feet on the ground

Can you release me
Can you release me
Now that you're gone
I can't help myself from wondering
Oh, if you'd have come down from your high
Would we've been all right?

Release me
Can you release me

Chorus:

Come on baby, come on baby
You knew it was time to just let go
'Cause we want to be free
But somehow it's just not that easy
Come on Darlin', hear me Darlin
''Cause you're a waste of time for me
I'm trying to make you see
That baby you've just got to release me

Release me
Release me
I'm not going back to you anymore
Finally my weakened heart is healing though very slow
So stop coming around my door
'Cause you're not gonna find
What you're looking for

(Chorus)

What is this power you've got on me
What is this power, Oh What is it,
What is it

(Chorus)

Release me
Will you release me
Ah...
Release me
Will you release me

I Can

I can live
I can love
I can reach the heavens above
I can right what is wrong
I can sing just any song.
I can dance,
I can fly--- And touch the rainbow in the skies
I can be your GOOD FRIEND
I can love you, until the end...

What took you so long to make me see
How lucky I am coz I am free
Free to do the things I wanna do

What took you so long to make me feel
I can give love, a love so REAL
What took you so long to let me know....that

I can live
I can love
I can reach the heavens above
I can right what is wrong
I can sing just any song.
I can dance, I can fly---and touch the rainbow in the skies
I can be your GOOD FRIEND
I can love you, until the end...

What took you so long to make me cry,
so I will know the reason why
I'm so lucky I can smile
I didn't know this for a while...


For my friends Maru Dahan and Melissa Johnson,thank you for your gift of TRUE FRIENDSHIP!

^melissa^ is away (how.can.life.be.so.sweet.one.day.and.so.sour.the.next)

Apology

I guess i wanted time for you to heal, or mostly cause im a coward, i dont know wich reason is the more accurate...another reason is cause ive realized i gave you much pain rather than giving you what you truly deserved...love, one thing i must tell you is that i didnt got back to her, i never did...i dont know if u'll believe me or not, nor i dont know if this mail will be between us or will you share to the internet community, but one thing is for sure, im truly sorry for all the pain i left behind and im sorry im a jerk, as i said i dont know if u'll forgive me or i dont know if i truly deserve to be forgiven but please do know that i am sorry and i regret that things happened the way they did, and im sincerely happy that you've found someone else and that someone is making you happy, because you truly deserve to be happy and deserve someone who appreciates you and loves you with the intensity that you do...be good, smile big and give yourself the chance of happiness
take good care and once again im sorry...

"A day without a smile was never a good day at all" Andrés Huerta

This is the very letter I got from Nicotine^ after I sent him an email asking why does he ask or comment on me now after all has come to pass. He saw my blog on the Chambers of Secrets: How Do I Love Thee… and left 2 messages in my tag board. His messages read:

20 Sep 06, 12:46
nico^jerk: im sincerely happy you found some1 else and that you are fine, take good care and smile! ciao!!
20 Sep 06, 12:43
nico^jerk: I'm truly sorry for all i did, even though i dont deserve ur forgiveness im sorry from the bottom of my heart

For the three months time since he said goodbye here he is just 8 days shy away from my birthday. Reading his email, obviously, has two things to say. One is to apology and second is either to test if the door is still open for him or because he had seen that I have someone else, he could be jealous and wants me back but seeing that I have moved on, oh well…what else can he say now? Other than to wish me well, to smile BIG and be happy…Friends rallied on my side upon seeing his comment on my blog. Nobody trust him anymore. Majority advised me to move on and forget him. I deserve someone else better. Andres has hurt me so much. “Do you want to spend the next 6 months of your life crying and going through the same hell he gave you when you were still together?” I remember my Pop saying this to me. “You know Georgie, about flowers and bees?” A bee flies from one flower to another. It sucks every sweetness it gets before leaving and going to the next flower. It doesn’t come back anymore once it got everything. “Good! now you know. Don’t play with his game, don’t let yourself be a part of it.”

From day one we ended our relationship, I almost had nothing else to ask God but to make him happy and hope his ex will love and take good care of him as much as I did, no matter it was through online. I keep praying for help and guidance that I may come to understand the meaning of love he has towards her. Help me to be strong, to go on with my life, to ease the hurt and pain…and if possible, if one day he come to realize….to please bring him back or else just erase every memories. I’ve been struggling so hard in those three months…. I will wait until our anniversary, until the first month of our break-up, until my birthday and last, until Christmas.

My friends Melissa and Ivy could only look at me. Ivy said, “Nothing will be lost if you want to wait but … Good, you set a limit for yourself.” Melissa on the other hand said, “Geo, he hurts you so much, he just want to get rid of his guilt. But if you love him, whatever you decide, I will support you. I will stand by you.” Pop said, “nilla..if you want nico...go after him with all you got....if not...run away fast and leave it alone...dont play in the middle of the field.”

I thought and thought about all of these things. I knew that the mind and heart never goes together, they may meet half way but only one always rule… If I am to let my heart rule over my head, I’d give Nicotine^ every chance to come back ‘cuz deep inside I still love him so. I’m willing to give it one more try. However, I see no sincerity on his part. He just wanted to apologize, huh!? But even his apology doesn’t sound sincere judging the fact he even mentioned he never got back with his ex. (his point is….) To use my head before I follow my heart, I sent him an email telling him to come online and talk with me about what he said in his email… No reply. Next thing I heard he was going to the hospital. My sympathy went with him. I got in touch with him on his mobile and for the first time he replied: “Within 4 hours I will be in hospital scared mostly.” I TRULY got his message!!! I replied saying: “I got your msg. WOW! What happen to you? Hope you will be well. Take care! When you get out, let me know.” I didn’t expect him to reply again but he did. “Thx I will.”

I was so surprised! I didn’t reply for a few hours after that. I remember when we were still together he never replied to me on my mobile although he used to say he did send several messages, that he tried but it seems I never got any of them. How come all of a suddenly, now…I am beginning to think he has LIED SO MUCH to me!!!! When I sent another message, I said: “Pardon, but do you know who I am?” There was no reply and I waited the next day before I asked him again: “Still no idea who I am? Or you probably realize your mistake when you replied back to me yesterday.” He replied: “Cathy right? Back still killing me but all ok.” I asked if he is still in the hospital or home resting and what happen to his back again, did he broke it? Is it because of too much domino games or cybering in msn? And take good care.” His last reply was: “Still here was due to carrying heavy stuff.” I tried to reply back but I already run out of credit…

One more day in Mexico before my birthday, I sent him another message: “How long you gonna stay? Is your fiancée taking good care of you? She better or I will put your two fingers on your forehead (sign language for stupid) Well, 2day is my birthday and we have typhoon signal #3!!! GREAT J Very POWERFUL!!!” I did not hear from him. Until my birthday ended along with the raging storm that swept the country….

I’m back to zero, to the starting point where he left me in tears…. I almost started my life anew and yes with Aryan. I’ve been happy for a while but I cannot deny that Andres still reside very much in my heart and Aryan knows. Moreover, Aryan and I have a big culture and religion difference. Those difference doesn’t allow us to be together no matter what. I know Aryan loves me so much, he fought for me and remain true to this day. However, there is something in our life that we both decide to choose and take, that is--- to end things and remain good friends. It was the only way…

I have always said to my mom and pop that I will never hurt Aryan the way Nico did to me. If Nicotine comes back and I am still with Aryan, he won’t have any chance. But Andres came at the time when things were long over. I love Andres very much! God knows that… He is asking for forgiveness and at the same time telling me he never got back with his ex---He NEVER DID! But honestly, I don’t know. Because, he refuse to talk or make things clear with me….

“You didn’t reply, probably your fiancée or maybe your wife got hold of your mobile. Sorry…. I should never text and care. It doesn’t matter to you. I wish you did not bother me, are you apologizing just so you can go back to your ex and marry her? Or are you afraid your future child might turn worse than DEAF? …. Enough! Why do you have to tell me you never got back to her? You are only hurting me DEEPER! Happy? That’s what you want; it makes you feel good. I’m tired! …. You are just cleansing your guilt! How much more you want to take from me? I’d give you the last grip I hold of my life if you want! … Why don’t you be MAN ENOUGH? Don’t be a loser and jerk. I did not love you to become like that. Don’t lie! Learn to speak for yourself…..”

I can’t remember anymore what else I said to him. I was just simply too overwhelmed by the pain I have inside. Andres never replied… I don’t know whether out of guilt or whether out to avoid hurting me more than enough or simply he is being a coward again or he doesn’t know what do and say? That’s NOT love. When you love someone one else, you need not ask what to do or say. You yourself will know from your heart…. “if you want nico...go after him with all you got....if not...run away fast and leave it alone...dont play in the middle of the field.”

I tried…

“You asked Jesus to help you, why did you also ask TOM CRUISE for help? What’s your point in telling me you never got back with her if you only wanted to apology? Just tell me if you want me back or I go away…”

No reply…
…an email.

I asked you through text message in your mobile. I am sure you got it. Don't play dumb. I will ask you again one more time...
You asked Jesus to help you. Why did you also ask TOM CRUISE for help? What's your point telling me you NEVER got back with you ex if you only want to apology? Just tell me if you want to come back or I go away....
Stop being a coward and jerk Andres. Help yourself cuz you cannot always be like that for the rest of your life....Aryan and I are no more when you sent that comment in my message tagboard. The reason is--- YOU!
Please let's make this clear. Answer me!

Now that I’m back to where I started since the day he walked out of my life…I truly wonder how much strength I have left on my hold with life… He has taken half of it the first time and I guess it didn’t satisfy him enough and he came back to take what remains of my grip in life…… Andres, if you can read this or if you are reading this blog right now…I’ve written one more poem for you.

I’m Waiting for YOU, Up in the Skies.

another year and so...another BIRTHDAY and another year older!!! ;D

I'm Waiting for You, Up in the Skies

When I'm gone,
don't be sad and blue.

When dreams fail,
there's tomorrow.

You know
where to find
me...

Look up,

('Cause) I'm waiting for you,
Up in the skies...

June 14, 2006

Another Dream

Ahh!
another
dream...
you met
my family.
my mom
was all
SMILES...
she was
happy...
I end up
crying...
saying: "I didn't
realize she would
live long to meet
you."

S for Superman

My student Francis was having spelling lessons and one day, he showed me a picture of a cartoon superhero in red cape and asked me for the name.

Francis: "Teacher Georgie what is the name of this man?"
Teacher Georgie: "Oh, that is SUPERMAN. You didn't know?"
Francis: "No, I didn't."
Teacher Georgie: (smiling) "But now you know. So, do you know the spelling?"
Francis: (thinking) "What is the spelling of his name?"
Teacher Georgie: (signing in finger-spelling) S-u-p-e-r-m-a-n."

Francis left as he practiced spelling the name...The next day he run excitedly upon seeing me and told me:

Francis: Teacher Georgieeee!!!! I already know the spelling!!!! Look!"
Teacher Georgie: "Really? Great! tell me!"
Francis: "S-U-P-E-R"

he paused for a while trying to recall what letter is next...

Teacher Georgie: "What's next?"
Francis: "Dont help me. I know, I know!"

I looked at Francis in amusement, he looked back at me and grinned.

Francis: S-U-P-E-R....L-I-N-E-S. There! I am right! see! I know because, I saw it yesterday on the way home."

I laughed so hard.

Teacher Georgie: "No, Francis that's the name of a bus!"

A Dream

You know what?
I just had the
WIERDEST dream.

We were together.

Now that's sick!

really....

WIERD!

tsk!

I was
in your arms....

just a dream...

nothing else more.

"A person isn't who they are during the last conversation you had with them.
They are who they've been throughout your whole relationship."

Stalker

What is a stalker?
Isn't it someone who is obssessed with another person
and who follows that person everywhere?
Someone who keeps calling and etc...


Someone who just won't leave someone else.
Who keeps bugging and is being
an annoying individual!


However, can you call a legal girlfriend or boyfriend
a stalker to the one he or she loves?
Is calling the person you are in a relationship
a stalker?

And is loving someone sincerely,
who you value in your life,
you give importance to on
what that person has to
say or do.
Or you just wanted to know
simply because,
you love everything
about that person
and not because you are obssessed.
Can you call that a stalker and obssessed?

Besides, you were still very much
together and you have rights,
to call the person you love.
Unless, you break up
and you continue
keeping track or calling.
That's truly stalking.


I got an annonymous comment on my previous blog
and I can clearly say this person is a STALKER.
Aside from being a coward
for commenting yet remaining anonymous.
I said, this person is a stalker cuz even after this person
no longer has any connection with me
nor do I care to give this person the slightest thought
eversince I left their friggin channel in chat.
However, this person who commented on my blog
keeps track of my blog and the things I say or post.

So, that's a perfect example of stalking.

Prayer

Lord, through our days be full of stress and worry,
We know that we have a shinning rock of love and hope in you.
May we come running to you in everything.
Whether it be our joys, our triumphs, our downfalls, and our tragedies.
You are the one constant presence in our lives.

Amen.

The Chambers of Secrets: How Do I Love Thee

Let me count the ways…I love thee…because you are:

Jolly
Outgoing
Serious
Enthusiastic

Adorable
Nice
Desirable
Realistic
Energetic
Sensitive

Humble
Unique
Elegant
Romantic
Talented
Admirable

Valorous
Artistic
Loveable
Terrific
Idealistic
Earthbound
Redundantly Royale!

But most of all, I love you because you are YOU!
and you make me happy.
You light my world and bring laughter.
You made me feel what is it like to love so real,
You made me cry and feel the way I do....
I love you FOREVER because...
you made me feel LOVED!


:)

I wrote this at the time when I was still very much in love with my Mexican boyfriend. We were very much an item back then. But now that we are no longer together and I read this post it made me reflect on the things we had and on myself... We wrote this poem together. Together, we shared so many things by talking online, almost everyday as time would allow him or us. He works and there's a great time difference between us. He only tried sometimes to find the time no matter how busy he is and I managed to spend sleepless nights waiting for him online almost everyday and wake up the next day at five o'clock in the morning to be on time for work....I remember him apologizing for ruining my time life for disrupting my sleeping schedule and everything. I didn't say a thing because for me it didn't matter. What matter is we get to talk and be together even only just through the webcam. What matter is we give time and importance on each other.... I thought I was truly important back then... Now that we are no longer an item, I realize so many things. Things that perhaps I failed to see or almost failed to realize because I was too blind by the feelings I had for him...It was a painful break up that made me cry. I still cry sometimes when the memory flashes back or when I feel the hurt and pain. People close to me said, that I won't get hurt if I didn't allow anybody to hurt me and that pain is something I need to experience in order for me to see things. Now that I have seen them, I should be THANKFUL 'cuz I gotten myself out of it. I am better OFF WITHOUT him.

Sometimes, when I am told of those things it just saddens me not because he left me to get back with his ex. But because of the wonderful things we had shared which he just carelessly threw away without a thought or care. What we had didn't matter to him at all... Perhaps, because he rather get himself screwed than to have someone who is truly sincere. I remember in one of our chat he told me he is scared. I understood what he meant by being scared. He didn't want to be fooled again or to have his heart broken to pieces again....Before I met Andres Huerta-Valtier and before we became together, Andres and his ex were about to get married. But she left him for someone else aside that his future mother-in-law-to-be got in the way of their marriage because, the girl's mother wanted Andres to have her daughter the luxuries and neccessity of living in a fully paid house and lot, expensive furnitures and a jaguar in the garage. He couldn't provide them except a two room apartment. She left him even after he forgave her for cheating. She went on seeing another guy and as Andres told me, "it was the last straw!" He tried to take away his own life. He was almost in the brink of death yet that didn't even moved her to go back to him and prove her TRUE love for him. Three years later Andres and I met online.... and so, I DO understand his fears. I never wanted him to walk on eggshells yet, he made me walk on it without me realizing where he had lead me to walk on in the time we were together. I was too blind like I said. Nevertheless, I took risk and loved him. I knew not only his fears but his troubles, pain and weakness as well. I helped him get on with his life. He said, I gave him meaning and I made him look at the bright side of things in life. That I was HIS LIFE! he even used to tell our friends, he found me and that he will NEVER walk alone again in the dark. He told me I was the light of his life that was once dark....(me grins) You can say its a typical lines of men who are a sweet talker....Anyway, what hurts me is when the time things was getting better in his life eversince we became together and right from the moment his ex-gf learned that Andres got a job as a consultant in an accounting firm suddenly she wants to reconcile with him. Andres was becoming a better person abstaining from his active sex life, trying to quit smoking and drinking, he even went to gym to do fitness and he was working doubly hard for us to be together and get married. He told me he wanted to sell the bar and start another one here in my country. But all of those things did not materialize anymore because she pressured him to get back together and he succumbed. Or I believe because he truly loved her more than he loved me. That it won't matter to him if he would appear STUPID by choosing to be still with her even after all the things she did.... That is love. I try to understand that. But in my own opinion, I cannot love someone back again like that. The hurt would be there knowing she didn't value what we had and did not care for what we had. They were three years together and she cheated at the time they were suppose to get married. Andres loved her enough to forgive her yet, she went on seeing the other guy and when Andres was dying she didn't even care. Now that Andres is getting better, here she is... I remember Andres told me he wanted to be loved NOT for what he have but for what HE IS. I wonder if she truly loved him for what he is...Cuz if she does, why didn't she fight for what they had before? Why didn't she come back when he was about to die? WHY COME BACK ONLY NOW??? I never knew why and why only after three years time was she able to come to terms with her mother to agree to live in a two by two room apartment. I don't wanna think she was in love with what comfort he can offer her. But the way things happened, it looks so. Andres went back to her and broke up with me not knowing WHY ONLY NOW she thought of coming back to him.... I only wish he will not have any regrets. I wish he is happy and that she is NOW TRULY TRUE to him. I hope she will never leave him when the time comes and he is good for nothing again or someone who is no use to her. Love is not like that, you stick with the person you love no matter what. I stood with Andres both in good and bad times. I loved and accepted him for what he is not for what he have. He used to promise me grand things which I politely declined and instead I asked for simple things... I am not comparing myself to his ex but the fact that I gave what he thought he would never have. I gave him sincerity in a time and world when he was full of doubts. I made him believe again only to be left alone in the dark.However, I refuse to be chained with my past so moved on day by day. I went to face the world. Now, I am happy with someone else. It was just after a month when I found someone new. I don't want to rush things this time because, I wanna be sure that I am over with what Andres and I once had. I know that it takes time to heal and rebuild a shattered trust. Only in my case the healing was fast not because I was depressed that I quickly grabbed this chance to love again....But every single day, I prayed to God for strenght and to ease away my hurt and pain. Day by day and night after night I ask God to please help me erase the memory and help me start my life anew with Aryan.

Aryan is almost everything I have asked God for in a man. Most of all Aryan believes in God and he loves and respect the Lord. Something that I have been longing for to find in a future partner. I didn't see that in my dutch boyfriend nor in Andres. Both of them had troubles with God at the time I was with them. However, as I have often prayed to God in the past to use me as His instrument of His will and peace, perhaps that is the purpose they came to my life. It's just sad that Andres and I did not end up together 'cuz I was ready for everything and I knew very well what I was getting myself with. Moreover, what hurts is how Andres put it that the reason we parted ways was because the long distance relationship did not work. WHAT? How could it not work when infact we lasted for almost 10 months, it was almost a year and we were very happy.And it just took one day for him to say goodbye as simple as that....He even told me before that there was nothing to worry about his ex and that he just choose to help her with her problems when in TRUTH...She was trying to get back with him. So, actually, he told me LIES! And it hurts that he made me appear bad that I was obssessed with him because I keep calling him in the middle of the night. Christ! I am NOT like that. But yes, I do call him but not very often because I need to ask someone to call for me because I am a DEAF. It takes so much effort for my part just to get in touch with him. But he didn't realize or see the value in that, that it was true love not obssession. And how could I call him in another time when we have time difference. It's midnight in Mexico while in the Philippines it's broad daylight. I can only ask people to help me call in daylight time and besides it is in the middle of the night that I am sure I can get in touch with him because he is very much awake tending his bar. He sleeps in the day time in Mexico. He made me appear bad to our online friends. Only one defended me. To this day that friend of ours is still angry.

I want them to know especially those who still follow this blog that what I gave is REAL, what I have felt for Andres Huerta is REAL and that what he told them wasn't true but a LAME EXCUSES to save his face. I knew the reason why he refused to have me ask other people to call him on his cellfone not because he pays for the service but I also pay for the international calls I make for him just to know how he is and to let him know that I miss him. Oh, God! It truly made me see the real reason is because he is with his ex and he can't just turn off his cellphone because he is afraid it could be business matter and he doesn't want to miss it. But then he can never tell when will be the time I would be calling 'cuz I ask different people who are at that time is the only person with me. It wasn't easy for me to ask people to make a personal call. How I wish I wasn't deaf. It was when that time I was with Andres, it was the only time I ever wished in my life to have my hearing sense back.... Anyway, I thank God for all of these, for putting these to an end cuz in the end I have NO REGRETS!

July 6, 2006

1:30pm

THINK!

Today,
before you think
of saying anything unkind word,
think of someone who CAN'T speak.

before you complain
about the food you will eat,
think of someone who has NOTHING to eat.


before you complain
about life,
think of someone who WENT TOO EARLY TO HEAVEN.


And when you are tired and complaining
about your job,
think of the UNEMPLOYED,
the DISABLED and those who WISHED THEY HAD YOUR JOB!


And when depressing thought seem to get you down,
put a SMILE on your face and THANK GOD
you are ALIVE & STILL AROUND.


Life is a gift....
LIVE IT WELL!

Sleep

Tonight will be the first night we won't talk
I'll wonder where you are
I'll wonder if you're wondering about me
I'll try to sleep
But sleep won't come

Tonight I know I'll lie awake in bed
I'll do my best to forget
But thoughts of you will keep running thru my head
I'll try to sleep
But sleep won't come

Tonight I know that time is going to crawl
I'm sure I'll pace the floor
And notice things I never noticed about these walls
I'll try to sleep
But sleep won't come

Tonight will be the first night we won't talk
I'll wonder where you are
I'll close my eyes and see you in her arms
And I'll try to sleep


"And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes. I'm marking it down to learning..."


*Special thanks to Bone! ( www.littlenibblers.blogspot.com )

The Meaning of I Love You!

A friend upon knowing I am in a new relationship and at one time heard my new bf says "I love you" to me, sent this message on my fone....


Men always
says "I LOVE YOU!"
to women.

But do you know
what's the TRUE
meaning of this?

"I"m


"L" ooking
"O" ver your
"V" aginal
"E" ntry


"Y" ou must take
"O" ff your
"U" nderwear.


ugh! really? ;p I told my friend in reply that
the message suits my ex mexican bf more
and not the present one...

Bad Day!

Guess what date is today? huh?!? well, of course the 23rd day of the month.
Thoughts for this unpleasant memory of the day....


Friendship is like
a BIG warm hug
On a REALLY BAAAD day!

It just erase
All the frustration
and pain away,

Leaving only
the feeling
that
you are
SAFE
&
LOVED!

One tight hug
for you
on this
BAD
day!


Take good care,VanillaSkies ;)

Aryan

Sometimes,
there are people
who come to your life temporarily
Then they leave and you need not weep.
Move on for the road of life is long
You will meet someone again
along the way... I met ARYAN.

GIRLS

Girls are SPECIAL ones
created by God...


If you pRaisE hEr,
sHe tHinks you are LyiNg...


If you dOn't,
you aRe gOOd for nOthiN...


If sHe taLks,
sHe waNts you tO ListEn...


If yoU ListEn,
sHe waNtS yoU to taLk...


If yoU kisS hEr,
You aRe nOt a g-E-n-t-L-m-A-n...


If yOu dOn't,
uR nOt a mAn...


If U agRee to "ALL" hEr LiKes,
u aRe a wimP...


If u doN't,
YoU aRe nOt unDersTaNdinG...


So siMpLe yEt so cOmpLex
sO wEird ywt So bEauTifuL...


DaTs a girL...

A nOn-UnderStandAbLe
crEatUre,



WhOm gUys LoVes a Lot! .... ;p

Cry of a Woman

Be very careful if you make a woman cry,
because God counts her tears.
The woman came out of a man's rib.
Not from his feet to be
walked on.

Not from his head to be superior, but
from the side to be equal.
Under the arm to be
protected, and next to the heart to be loved."



Special thanks to Bubs and Cindykay

LEARN ENGLISH!

Nagbebenta ng isda: SELFISH

Lahat nsa kanan: ALRIGHT

Babeng kaka tayo sa ilalim: MISUNDERSTANDING


Matagal ng bulag: LONG TIME NO SEE!

O tama db?

Secrets Revealed From the Blue Book Diary

Aside from the Chambers of Secrets there's another posts that I have kept in a Blue Book Diary when I couldn't go online or simply did not have the heart to post them in the draft box.

All post from this Blue Book Diary are all about what had transpire during the whole summer months of April and May 2006.

Again, keep posted! ;D

The Chambers of Secrets: You Call This---TRUST?!?

How do you establish trust?
Trust on somebody you love may not be hard but for some its not easy either. For others it takes years to build because trust don't happen overnight. However, in a relationship TRUST must be there the moment you accept someone in your life.Without it, love will never grow. Things will never work out. I have loved someone. And sad to say, I've come to see there is no trust on his part. Jealousy kills. I may have some of it but not to the extent I would hurt the one I love. I am saying this simply because I have TRUST. There's no need for me to be insecure about. However, to the one I love... sad to say he misjudged me. Accused me of things I never did. Said things that trully hurts. What happened you may ask...

I was online as usual since I don't have much work yesterday. I stayed online waiting for my online bf to appear. I knew he would be online at around 3pm or 4pm and right on he did show up fresh from his first few days of working out in the gym. It was good to see him as usual and he was glad to see me. We had several laughs and some serious talk until finally he said its 5am and time for him to sleep. We went offline and I logged in #SpeakEasy since I have a time difference and I wanted to talk to some of our other friends online.... I was feeling this big sadness when my bf and I had to say goodnight. I dunno, but I truly feel awfully sad when we parted, not that we had a quarrel. No, we didn't fight but I just feels sad, I am starting to miss him so much and how I wish he could stay longer or be online as often as possible.... I was still in mirc and there were several people in the channel where my bf and I hang out. I don't know and don't care about the rest who were there. I pmed one of our friend and as I was talking to her how I feel about this BIG sadness in me she suddenly said that my bf is online in SE. I was so happy I jested: "I tot you were sleeping!" and I typed tickling him. I typed the initial letter of his nick and pressed the tab key without knowing there was someone else with the same initial so thus instead of his name another nick appeared. PRESTO! he exploded! KABOOM! he left and I pmed him saying hey! He answered back saying: Tickle someone else! Whoa! he got me wrong and I explained to him but he refused to listen and went back in the channel and asked our friend to tell him what was it all about and that I should not lie. Geez! It was madness! We tried to explain to him what happen but he went offline. I end up telling our confused friend what happened. There were others in the channel who saw the fiasco and they could only sigh and tell me to just wait until he cools down and he will prolly listen.

However, he continued to behave pissed off, refusing to talk with me. Golly! what an outburts!!!!It took several friends to convince him to listen to what truly happened and when he finally calmed down he talked to me on pm but he didnt wanna stay long prolly ashame how he had behave. But I assured him it's okay and I know that he just misunderstood things... But thinking over the whole incident that took weeks to resolve had left me breaking in 5 ways. It made me think, if I should still want to go on in this relationship with that kind of person. Come to think of it, he used to tell me that I should TRUST him and what he says are all TRUE. That he is HONEST and REAL both online and in REAL LIFE! He tells me to listen for an explanation FIRST before exploding. 'Cuz he doesnt see any of those in me. WHAT?!? Well, well... look who was talking back then...Obviously, there was no trust in the way he behaved and he ate everything he said 'cuz he doesn't even look at himself before he preach. Sigh! I ought to tell him this---"Andres Huerta, you should practice to yourself what you preach!"

If you love someone, even though you might be hurting it is still BEST that you LISTEN and hear what one has to say. It's better that all sides are heard 'cuz somehow something IMPORTANT that you prolly missed out is bound to come up and clarify things. Just a small typo, shouldnt be the ruin of what you have built. Maybe it takes years to built and a minute to make it all crumble apart. However, if you have trust then the foundation will be solid. I hope what we are building together will be a solid foundation base not only on love for each other but on TRUST as well. I truly hope and pray to God, Nicotine^.

10:26pm

September 21, 2005

The Chambers of Secrets

Now the truth must be told.
Below are the list of the post that I have hidden in the draft box...

1. You call this, TRUST?!?
2. How Do I Love Thee
3. Dementors
4. Broken Friendship
5. Engram Class 1A
6. My So Called FRIENDS
7. Realization
8. IF
9. Life's Important Lessons
10. Things I Learned
11. The Summer Is Over
12. #Forever&Always
13. The 13th Chapter

Life

"Life is too short to live with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. Know a good thing when you see it, and don't let it slip away. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it would be easy, they just said it would be worth your while... Live your life to the fullest."-- Anonymous

REVEALED:Skeletons in the Closet

Its about time the secrets must be revealed!

The untold story be told!!!

I have been blogging silently by keeping them in the draft box. They have been hidden in seclusions for many months now and for some reasons that I could not tell in the past. I have been mum for a long time. I was bound and chained over something that stopped me from blogging openly.

However now that I have found my freedom, I finally came to this point that I should not keep those secrets anymore. The breaking of the dawn has come and the true secrets will be revealed.

Skeletons in the closet hidden no more!!!

Payday

Migs: Aba! Walking payday calendar ka na rin pala!

Life is Worth Living

A pinch of salt
add taste to life.
Pain is just a seasoning;
but as we smile,
dark turns to light,
our joy makes
life worth living.


-Draco Do

Life's Lessons That I Learned...

Today is the second day of May the year two thousand six and for the past few days I have learned some of life's most important lessons... I was chatting online when a colleague appeared in my window in yahoo messenger. This colleague knows what has been happening to me for sometime now and we have been talking about things whenever we find the time. I told her how matters have been turning about lately and she gave me her piece of unsolicted advice--- let it go!

"Just let it go. It's between them and that is private. It's up to him to decide for it. NOT you!" shesaid.

I have been facing a dilemma since Saturday. It's about whether it was right for me to feel , think and react the way I had or not. Is it right for a partner to keep something secret? Or don't I just trust him enough that I have to insist on knowing what was the trouble was? He said it DOESN'T concern US. And nothing to worry. However, I couldn't contain my qualms. Maybe, I am getting too emotional and was in shock when he couldn't share it with me. I have always believed that there is no SECRET in a relationship. There's nothing to hide to your partner, cuz your partner is someone you should trust and share your life with the way you would to your best friend... "But Geo, even husband and wife have secrets." My friend said. That gave me a shock, a new discovery and I stopped a moment to think. My friend went on, "Your life need not be an open book just because you wanted your relationship to be the BEST it can be or that you wanted you and your partner to be honest to each other."

Coming to ASIA!

Andres is coming here!!!!!!!!! He told me online oh, gawd!!!!! WOW! Ninenerbiyos tuloy ako, icks! ;D but at the same time I am over all ExCiTeD and suuuuppppeeeeeeeerrrrr doooper HAPPY!!!!!!!!

Eureka!

Live in the present moment and find your
interest
and
happiness
in the things of today. --- I have found it in Nico!

HOLY THURSDAY

I'm sad....I don't feel comfortable in this relationship. Magulo! it hurts, it drives me crazy, it angers me too!

University Mall

Leo: Lasang BANGUS bibig mo ah!

For you... you know who you are!

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?
Saying something and wishing you hadn't?
or saying nothing and wishing you had?
I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say.
Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them.
If you do, they might break your heart
if you don't, you might break theirs

Have you ever decided not to become a couple
because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?
Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't.
You can't tell your heart what to do.
It does it on its own....when you least suspect it,
or even when you don't want it to.
Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had,
but that other person was too afraid to let you?
Too many of us stay walled up because we are too afraid to care too much...
for fear that the other person does not care as much, or even at all.

Have you ever denied your feelings for someone
because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?
We tell lies when we are afraid...
afraid of what we don't know,
afraid of what others will think,
afraid of what will be found out about us.
But every time we tell a lie,
the thing we fear grows stronger.
Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump.
Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have done,
or could have had.

*What would you do if every time you fell in love you had to say good-bye?
*What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there?
*What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow
and you never got to tell them how you felt?
*What would you do if you loved someone more than ever and you couldn't have them?
*What would you do if you never got the chance to say I am friends with all
and they know I love them?
*People live, people die.

And I want to tell you that you are a friend.
If you died tomorrow, you would be in my heart!!!
Would I be in yours?
Do you care about me as much as I care about you?
You might be best friends one year,
pretty good friends the next year,
don't talk that often the next,
and don't want to talk at all the year after that.

So, I just wanted to say,
even if I never talk to you again in my life,
you are special to me and you have made a difference in my life,
I look up to you,
respect you,
and truly cherish you.

Remember, everyone needs a friend,
someday you might feel like you have NO FRIENDS at all,
just remember this and take comfort in knowing somebody out there cares about YOU!!!!
I care for real....
one day they’ll see,
how much you mean to me.
One day they’ll know,
how much I love you so.
One day we’ll shine,
and I will shout that you are mine.
One day we’ll b together
FOREVER & for ALWAYS...

Saturday

Shit!
do i have to always put up with this thing?
i may have no right to fret and react
but dont i have feelings too?
am i not also human?

Shit!
its Saturday,
just when the week is done.
and you end up at the end of the day
why do i have to always end up the last?

That's cause we're nothing.
Yeah, we are nothing together
nothing goes between us.
How ironic we are now strangers

This had to stop.
I leave this place
silently

You don't exist!

Heaven

I have changed my blog addy and even the title for some reasons. First, I feel its time I should make some changes. Second, its because some factors hinders me from putting my thoughts and feelings openly, knowing that some people knows the link to my site. I feel I dont have the privancy to express myself without being judged or criticized. It makes me feel limited. Althought I know that having my blog open to the public for viewing is something I took as a risk. People would have viewed this blog because i made it public. If i wanted this to be free from the prying eyes of critics then I shouldn't be blogging in the first place especially not on internet. However, the fact I am blogging online being criticized or ridiculed by others is something that I cannot avoid because I made this blog known therefore anybody can view this. What I just don't want is some people who I do not want to read my blog because I do not want them to be in anyway part of my blogging should they read and make a comment. I simply dont want them to do anything with this or my life. I just want these people to lost track of this site so I can live my life and set this blog the way I want it to be. Third, this is my blog and I do what I want to do with it. I write what I want to write without the fear of being criticized or talked about by others. Maybe, if other people who view my blog talks about me, wont hurt at all because I don't even know them but people who I know and who talks and comment whether its posted or not is something that affects me and stop me from expressing what I want... Like in society, we people are often conscious of what others say, it bothers us, it hinders us and makes us hesistant until we finally lost the heart and abondone what we used to love doing. What was supposed to help us are now pulling us down. This shouldn't be the case with my blogging. As one of my chat friend told me before, "You blog and do things for yourself and not for others. Your happiness doesn't have to depend on anyone. You dont need to worry what others would say, to hell with them anyway.." Yeah, and to hell with you who reads this blog if you have the tendency to criticize and say unpleasant things then you know you are the one person I would want to erase in my world...