Stalker

What is a stalker?
Isn't it someone who is obssessed with another person
and who follows that person everywhere?
Someone who keeps calling and etc...


Someone who just won't leave someone else.
Who keeps bugging and is being
an annoying individual!


However, can you call a legal girlfriend or boyfriend
a stalker to the one he or she loves?
Is calling the person you are in a relationship
a stalker?

And is loving someone sincerely,
who you value in your life,
you give importance to on
what that person has to
say or do.
Or you just wanted to know
simply because,
you love everything
about that person
and not because you are obssessed.
Can you call that a stalker and obssessed?

Besides, you were still very much
together and you have rights,
to call the person you love.
Unless, you break up
and you continue
keeping track or calling.
That's truly stalking.


I got an annonymous comment on my previous blog
and I can clearly say this person is a STALKER.
Aside from being a coward
for commenting yet remaining anonymous.
I said, this person is a stalker cuz even after this person
no longer has any connection with me
nor do I care to give this person the slightest thought
eversince I left their friggin channel in chat.
However, this person who commented on my blog
keeps track of my blog and the things I say or post.

So, that's a perfect example of stalking.

Prayer

Lord, through our days be full of stress and worry,
We know that we have a shinning rock of love and hope in you.
May we come running to you in everything.
Whether it be our joys, our triumphs, our downfalls, and our tragedies.
You are the one constant presence in our lives.

Amen.

The Chambers of Secrets: How Do I Love Thee

Let me count the ways…I love thee…because you are:

Jolly
Outgoing
Serious
Enthusiastic

Adorable
Nice
Desirable
Realistic
Energetic
Sensitive

Humble
Unique
Elegant
Romantic
Talented
Admirable

Valorous
Artistic
Loveable
Terrific
Idealistic
Earthbound
Redundantly Royale!

But most of all, I love you because you are YOU!
and you make me happy.
You light my world and bring laughter.
You made me feel what is it like to love so real,
You made me cry and feel the way I do....
I love you FOREVER because...
you made me feel LOVED!


:)

I wrote this at the time when I was still very much in love with my Mexican boyfriend. We were very much an item back then. But now that we are no longer together and I read this post it made me reflect on the things we had and on myself... We wrote this poem together. Together, we shared so many things by talking online, almost everyday as time would allow him or us. He works and there's a great time difference between us. He only tried sometimes to find the time no matter how busy he is and I managed to spend sleepless nights waiting for him online almost everyday and wake up the next day at five o'clock in the morning to be on time for work....I remember him apologizing for ruining my time life for disrupting my sleeping schedule and everything. I didn't say a thing because for me it didn't matter. What matter is we get to talk and be together even only just through the webcam. What matter is we give time and importance on each other.... I thought I was truly important back then... Now that we are no longer an item, I realize so many things. Things that perhaps I failed to see or almost failed to realize because I was too blind by the feelings I had for him...It was a painful break up that made me cry. I still cry sometimes when the memory flashes back or when I feel the hurt and pain. People close to me said, that I won't get hurt if I didn't allow anybody to hurt me and that pain is something I need to experience in order for me to see things. Now that I have seen them, I should be THANKFUL 'cuz I gotten myself out of it. I am better OFF WITHOUT him.

Sometimes, when I am told of those things it just saddens me not because he left me to get back with his ex. But because of the wonderful things we had shared which he just carelessly threw away without a thought or care. What we had didn't matter to him at all... Perhaps, because he rather get himself screwed than to have someone who is truly sincere. I remember in one of our chat he told me he is scared. I understood what he meant by being scared. He didn't want to be fooled again or to have his heart broken to pieces again....Before I met Andres Huerta-Valtier and before we became together, Andres and his ex were about to get married. But she left him for someone else aside that his future mother-in-law-to-be got in the way of their marriage because, the girl's mother wanted Andres to have her daughter the luxuries and neccessity of living in a fully paid house and lot, expensive furnitures and a jaguar in the garage. He couldn't provide them except a two room apartment. She left him even after he forgave her for cheating. She went on seeing another guy and as Andres told me, "it was the last straw!" He tried to take away his own life. He was almost in the brink of death yet that didn't even moved her to go back to him and prove her TRUE love for him. Three years later Andres and I met online.... and so, I DO understand his fears. I never wanted him to walk on eggshells yet, he made me walk on it without me realizing where he had lead me to walk on in the time we were together. I was too blind like I said. Nevertheless, I took risk and loved him. I knew not only his fears but his troubles, pain and weakness as well. I helped him get on with his life. He said, I gave him meaning and I made him look at the bright side of things in life. That I was HIS LIFE! he even used to tell our friends, he found me and that he will NEVER walk alone again in the dark. He told me I was the light of his life that was once dark....(me grins) You can say its a typical lines of men who are a sweet talker....Anyway, what hurts me is when the time things was getting better in his life eversince we became together and right from the moment his ex-gf learned that Andres got a job as a consultant in an accounting firm suddenly she wants to reconcile with him. Andres was becoming a better person abstaining from his active sex life, trying to quit smoking and drinking, he even went to gym to do fitness and he was working doubly hard for us to be together and get married. He told me he wanted to sell the bar and start another one here in my country. But all of those things did not materialize anymore because she pressured him to get back together and he succumbed. Or I believe because he truly loved her more than he loved me. That it won't matter to him if he would appear STUPID by choosing to be still with her even after all the things she did.... That is love. I try to understand that. But in my own opinion, I cannot love someone back again like that. The hurt would be there knowing she didn't value what we had and did not care for what we had. They were three years together and she cheated at the time they were suppose to get married. Andres loved her enough to forgive her yet, she went on seeing the other guy and when Andres was dying she didn't even care. Now that Andres is getting better, here she is... I remember Andres told me he wanted to be loved NOT for what he have but for what HE IS. I wonder if she truly loved him for what he is...Cuz if she does, why didn't she fight for what they had before? Why didn't she come back when he was about to die? WHY COME BACK ONLY NOW??? I never knew why and why only after three years time was she able to come to terms with her mother to agree to live in a two by two room apartment. I don't wanna think she was in love with what comfort he can offer her. But the way things happened, it looks so. Andres went back to her and broke up with me not knowing WHY ONLY NOW she thought of coming back to him.... I only wish he will not have any regrets. I wish he is happy and that she is NOW TRULY TRUE to him. I hope she will never leave him when the time comes and he is good for nothing again or someone who is no use to her. Love is not like that, you stick with the person you love no matter what. I stood with Andres both in good and bad times. I loved and accepted him for what he is not for what he have. He used to promise me grand things which I politely declined and instead I asked for simple things... I am not comparing myself to his ex but the fact that I gave what he thought he would never have. I gave him sincerity in a time and world when he was full of doubts. I made him believe again only to be left alone in the dark.However, I refuse to be chained with my past so moved on day by day. I went to face the world. Now, I am happy with someone else. It was just after a month when I found someone new. I don't want to rush things this time because, I wanna be sure that I am over with what Andres and I once had. I know that it takes time to heal and rebuild a shattered trust. Only in my case the healing was fast not because I was depressed that I quickly grabbed this chance to love again....But every single day, I prayed to God for strenght and to ease away my hurt and pain. Day by day and night after night I ask God to please help me erase the memory and help me start my life anew with Aryan.

Aryan is almost everything I have asked God for in a man. Most of all Aryan believes in God and he loves and respect the Lord. Something that I have been longing for to find in a future partner. I didn't see that in my dutch boyfriend nor in Andres. Both of them had troubles with God at the time I was with them. However, as I have often prayed to God in the past to use me as His instrument of His will and peace, perhaps that is the purpose they came to my life. It's just sad that Andres and I did not end up together 'cuz I was ready for everything and I knew very well what I was getting myself with. Moreover, what hurts is how Andres put it that the reason we parted ways was because the long distance relationship did not work. WHAT? How could it not work when infact we lasted for almost 10 months, it was almost a year and we were very happy.And it just took one day for him to say goodbye as simple as that....He even told me before that there was nothing to worry about his ex and that he just choose to help her with her problems when in TRUTH...She was trying to get back with him. So, actually, he told me LIES! And it hurts that he made me appear bad that I was obssessed with him because I keep calling him in the middle of the night. Christ! I am NOT like that. But yes, I do call him but not very often because I need to ask someone to call for me because I am a DEAF. It takes so much effort for my part just to get in touch with him. But he didn't realize or see the value in that, that it was true love not obssession. And how could I call him in another time when we have time difference. It's midnight in Mexico while in the Philippines it's broad daylight. I can only ask people to help me call in daylight time and besides it is in the middle of the night that I am sure I can get in touch with him because he is very much awake tending his bar. He sleeps in the day time in Mexico. He made me appear bad to our online friends. Only one defended me. To this day that friend of ours is still angry.

I want them to know especially those who still follow this blog that what I gave is REAL, what I have felt for Andres Huerta is REAL and that what he told them wasn't true but a LAME EXCUSES to save his face. I knew the reason why he refused to have me ask other people to call him on his cellfone not because he pays for the service but I also pay for the international calls I make for him just to know how he is and to let him know that I miss him. Oh, God! It truly made me see the real reason is because he is with his ex and he can't just turn off his cellphone because he is afraid it could be business matter and he doesn't want to miss it. But then he can never tell when will be the time I would be calling 'cuz I ask different people who are at that time is the only person with me. It wasn't easy for me to ask people to make a personal call. How I wish I wasn't deaf. It was when that time I was with Andres, it was the only time I ever wished in my life to have my hearing sense back.... Anyway, I thank God for all of these, for putting these to an end cuz in the end I have NO REGRETS!

July 6, 2006

1:30pm

THINK!

Today,
before you think
of saying anything unkind word,
think of someone who CAN'T speak.

before you complain
about the food you will eat,
think of someone who has NOTHING to eat.


before you complain
about life,
think of someone who WENT TOO EARLY TO HEAVEN.


And when you are tired and complaining
about your job,
think of the UNEMPLOYED,
the DISABLED and those who WISHED THEY HAD YOUR JOB!


And when depressing thought seem to get you down,
put a SMILE on your face and THANK GOD
you are ALIVE & STILL AROUND.


Life is a gift....
LIVE IT WELL!

Sleep

Tonight will be the first night we won't talk
I'll wonder where you are
I'll wonder if you're wondering about me
I'll try to sleep
But sleep won't come

Tonight I know I'll lie awake in bed
I'll do my best to forget
But thoughts of you will keep running thru my head
I'll try to sleep
But sleep won't come

Tonight I know that time is going to crawl
I'm sure I'll pace the floor
And notice things I never noticed about these walls
I'll try to sleep
But sleep won't come

Tonight will be the first night we won't talk
I'll wonder where you are
I'll close my eyes and see you in her arms
And I'll try to sleep


"And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes. I'm marking it down to learning..."


*Special thanks to Bone! ( www.littlenibblers.blogspot.com )

The Meaning of I Love You!

A friend upon knowing I am in a new relationship and at one time heard my new bf says "I love you" to me, sent this message on my fone....


Men always
says "I LOVE YOU!"
to women.

But do you know
what's the TRUE
meaning of this?

"I"m


"L" ooking
"O" ver your
"V" aginal
"E" ntry


"Y" ou must take
"O" ff your
"U" nderwear.


ugh! really? ;p I told my friend in reply that
the message suits my ex mexican bf more
and not the present one...

Bad Day!

Guess what date is today? huh?!? well, of course the 23rd day of the month.
Thoughts for this unpleasant memory of the day....


Friendship is like
a BIG warm hug
On a REALLY BAAAD day!

It just erase
All the frustration
and pain away,

Leaving only
the feeling
that
you are
SAFE
&
LOVED!

One tight hug
for you
on this
BAD
day!


Take good care,VanillaSkies ;)

Aryan

Sometimes,
there are people
who come to your life temporarily
Then they leave and you need not weep.
Move on for the road of life is long
You will meet someone again
along the way... I met ARYAN.

GIRLS

Girls are SPECIAL ones
created by God...


If you pRaisE hEr,
sHe tHinks you are LyiNg...


If you dOn't,
you aRe gOOd for nOthiN...


If sHe taLks,
sHe waNts you tO ListEn...


If yoU ListEn,
sHe waNtS yoU to taLk...


If yoU kisS hEr,
You aRe nOt a g-E-n-t-L-m-A-n...


If yOu dOn't,
uR nOt a mAn...


If U agRee to "ALL" hEr LiKes,
u aRe a wimP...


If u doN't,
YoU aRe nOt unDersTaNdinG...


So siMpLe yEt so cOmpLex
sO wEird ywt So bEauTifuL...


DaTs a girL...

A nOn-UnderStandAbLe
crEatUre,



WhOm gUys LoVes a Lot! .... ;p

Cry of a Woman

Be very careful if you make a woman cry,
because God counts her tears.
The woman came out of a man's rib.
Not from his feet to be
walked on.

Not from his head to be superior, but
from the side to be equal.
Under the arm to be
protected, and next to the heart to be loved."



Special thanks to Bubs and Cindykay