Food

LokiCat: UnAsigned did u go get food?
UnAsigned: yeah a burger for like 50$
UnAsigned: i was about to beat up the cashier

Kris Kringles

Family:
Dad Ferdie
Edward & Marcie
Steff & Jackie

Nieces & Nephews:
Aimee (Pouch bag)
Mac (Books on Planets or Dinosaurs)
Nicole (Educational toy)
Trixie (Stuff Doll)
Jerome (Book on Airplanes)
Echo (Educational toy)
Toby (Christmas coffee mug)

Real Life Friends and Colleagues:
Xander Jopet Rey Ivy Migs Aris Ruthie Ria Ricky Genny
Clarice Michii Tony Myra Maya Pia Joy Baby TinTin Gene
Rachel Charvie Jasmin Jessie Raphy Dulce Jenny & Dennis
Cathie

Students:
(Elementary)
Bea Jamie Tommy
Gerard Lee Nikka Ren
Francis & Christopher

(College)
Archieval Eric Miracle
Frederick Ryan Tess Kahlil
Chris Jenny Vergil Kathy & Carlo

Post Cards from the Edge (Holiday Season)

Brothers:
Alexis and Family
William

Relatives:
Aunt Baby and Family
Uncle Ed and Family
Aunt Ely and Family
Uncle Willy and Family
Aunt Chit and Family
Cousin Jun and Family
Cousin Cristy

Mirc Friends:
Melissa` Enlighten RedChaos
`Bubbles Ectes RezDog
Alone` Datharin Osiris
Hangman Whatanut CrazySaint
MrLynd Angel Maya Ripper
RedmosQto DreamCatcher James
Legion Badjoey Wardador
Cheyenne Sebby Rasheed
Britney UltraSpace Anke
Ninhefler Pangea EvilFairy

Georgie's Xmas Wish

Starbucks Kaleidoscope-Animated Tumbler
Red Parker Sign Pen (with my name engraved on it!)
Ivory Liquid Bath Soap (Lavander)
Sketcher Red Rubber Shoes
Keds Blue Loafers
Office Leather Bag(brown/black) --- Marithe Francois Girbaud
New Mountain Bike
6 ft. Xmas Tree
Angel's Breath Perfume (Gold)
New Hair color & style
New Eye glasses
New Contact Lens
Fashionable watches
New Leather Wallet (Marithe Francois Girbaud)
Boxer shorts

Unforgiven

Today, I leave the petals of the rose
that has fallen and withered.
You no longer exist in my life!
You hold me no more,
nor do you have a special place
within me....

I close my eyes
and when I open them---You're gone!
removed from my sight and mind.

Being human,
doesn't excuse you for the mistakes
you made.
You will always be liable
or accountable for them

in every words....
in every deeds....

You are unforgiven!

Once the tears fall
You don't collect them.

One day,
all the hurt and pain
you caused will all go back to you.
But if by chance,
you get lucky today
Trust me!
it won't spare your kids in the future!


Tomorrow has it's own course
of revenge---to VINDICATE!
I'll let time dictate
And leave justice to the MAKER.
Only HE knows your true
intention of the word--- "Sorry!"

However, being sorry
will not bring back time
nor give back the trust
that was shattered to pieces,
let alone erase the harm you've done!

...Ask me to change my wish---

"I wish you are no longer living!"

Eraser

e•ras•er(i r‚sƒr)n.
1. a device,as a piece of rubber or cloth,for erasing marks of pencil,chalk,etc.
2. one that erases.

If anything can be easily erased, as simple as erasing a mark of a pencil or chalk then, I wish I can erase some memories I don't want to keep anymore. It shouldn't stay in my memory or come flashing back. Cuz every time it does, I collapse! I know I need to let go, but how? When letting go is so hard... However, at least now it's no longer as hard as the first time...Praying is all the comfort I have. Every time I get to a miserable draw back, I pray amidst tears...

Today something happened and I think it happened for a reason. It's something I have been seeking as an answer to this trouble. I realize it's a way of helping me forget. It's removing the memories, whatever I am still holding dear within me. I will be able to learn to let go. All I have to do is delete everything so I have nothing to look back.... Once things are gone, it will be easier to forget and I can move on and find my own happiness. So, I can smile again...

WISH

georgie`: how i wish everyone will just resolve every difference they have
swallow their pride,
overcome their fears,
(join Fear Factor...hehehehe!)
erase their hatred,
stop being jealous an' greedy,
forgive all the jerks and flirts (bec. they two time their partners).
forgiving is the BEST healing medicine!(y'know!?!).
help the sick an' poor,
donate to charity,
LOVE your ENEMIES,
as God has loved you unconditionaly.
Be NICE to people who has HURTED you the MOST DEEPLY.
'cuz in time, God will be just on them! (grins!).
put your litter in your pocket,
pick up your dog's poo poo in the street,
flush the toilet after use an' be considerate to the next user,
quit smoking an' stop polluting the air and your lungs.
smoking is hazardous, it helps deplete the ozone faster
u don't wanna be the next extinct spicies on earth
do you?!?
go get help fer yerself if needed be----
see a shrink!
overcome being an alcoholic,
stop gambling!
stop illegal loggin'
stop dynamite fishing!
you oughta give more than what ye take!

* EvilFairy hands a rope to georgie`
Melissa`: looooooooooooooooool
georgie`: sigh!
georgie`: i rest my case!

Georgie

georgie porgie pudding and pie,
kissed the girls and made them cry.
When all the boys came out to play,
georgie porgie ran away.

Bedtime Story

The-Babe: georgie`, Your kids favorite bedtime story is Curious George and the High Voltage Fence.

Nick

Kirkus: i keep trying to remember that nick you had that had cad in it
Kirkus: i didn't know what cad was back then you told me it was ctrl+alt+del.... ass

Mirror!

georgie`: Mirror, mirror The-Babe ooonn the wall
georgie`: whois the fairest on the wall?
The-Babe: georgie`, Maybe -- give me more money and ask again.
EvilFairy: see, even the bots want money before answering
georgie`: lol

Shopping

Kipper: I refuse to go shopping
Raiyne: Same, Kipper
Kipper: its like hell on a stick
Kipper: especially this time of year
Raiyne: A sharp pointy stick with rabies
Kipper: I only have to buy for 'er indoors .... she does the rest .... my only contribution is an empty wallet.

* Quits: RoadRunr (Me@Clueless.users.undernet.org ) (Quit: Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts. )

PIZZA!

HangMan: gona fix myself a slice of pizza
HangMan: wb Chipper
drummergirl: wb chipper!
georgie`: i have pizza too daddy
georgie`: :D
drummergirl: lol hb hangman
HangMan: cool daddy s girl
drummergirl: :P
* georgie` gets down from her high chair and leaves HangMan's kitchen
* georgie` giggles and runs to The-Babe
* drummergirl runs to get herself more coffee... brb
georgie`: The-Babe share pizza?
The-Babe: georgie`, Absolutely yes!

The-Babe: Condom Slogans: General Electric Condoms: We bring good things to life!

Can't Make Up My Mind!

I just got an extra teaching load today cuz I had to substitute for a colleague. That means extra pay! YAAY -YAA! And also just this morning I got my bonus! HOORAAAAY!!!!
Now how will I spend it? Hmmm, I will buy....
clothes?
shoes?
FOODS?!?
go to dermatologist for facial?
dye my hair at the salon?
hmmm...
I want to have a new mountain bike!
or should I get my own Christmas tree?
Geez!
I'm also thinking of buying a new watch
lmao!
So, this is how it is when you have money
sigh!
:D

Teddy Bear and Where Are You At?

* Joins: clitlicker (~fdhdfh@210.213.176.37)
* UnAsigned screams
TR`: wb clitlicker
georgie`: ew
georgie`: disgusting nick
* clitlicker was kicked by FeralSpirit (change your nick then come back)
UnAsigned: FeralSpirit was that ur alias?
FeralSpirit: not in this world, UnAsigned
FeralSpirit: i prefer men
UnAsigned: well im goin to bed
UnAsigned: im glad ur not mad no more
FeralSpirit: let me restate that
FeralSpirit: i prefer men who are MEN
TR`: lol
* UnAsigned throws a cookie at FeralSpirit
* FeralSpirit ducks the cookie
UnAsigned: eats.
UnAsigned: ok im gone
* Quits: UnAsigned (UnAsigned@dynamic-acs-24-239-231-223.zoominternet.net) (Read error: EOF from client)
* TR` looks for UnAsigned's teddy bear
TR`: it the one with the wal-mart tag on it
* FeralSpirit laughs
TR`: :)
georgie`: looooooooooooool
TR`: hey, its gotta be good.. they shipped it all the way from China! lol
FeralSpirit: omg
* FeralSpirit falls off her chair laughing
TR`: lol
georgie`: hahahahahaha
georgie`: looooooooooool
georgie`: i cant stop laughing
TR`: :)
TR`: where are you at georgie`?
georgie`: home
georgie`: hahahahaha
FeralSpirit: lol
* FeralSpirit catches georgie`s gigglefits
georgie`: looooooooooooool
georgie`: hahahaha

WHAT SEX ARE YOU CRAZY?

* drummergirl hides in the corner bcuz saint isnt being nice...
CrazySaint: ima gud boy
drummergirl: bleh!
rabbitear: oh ya, much gaysex is your forte'
CrazySaint: forte
rabbitear: we all know that already please do something new FOR US
rabbitear: grow up
rabbitear: goofy
CrazySaint: duckie
CrazySaint: :P
rabbitear: I'm attacking you?
CrazySaint: ru?
rabbitear: of course its irc, ...
Pangaea: . . .
rabbitear: who didn't you know tho
Pangaea: !omni_slap
rabbitear: CrazySaint, your not only a loser, you actually look like one an the info crap where crap goes wrong
rabbitear: damn those machines
* Pangaea 14Is Now Playing 4>>> 2[1][1]GARY NUMAN - CARS
Pangaea: well this is way too riviting for me.. my pace maker simply cant keep up
rabbitear: ya know CrazySaint ....... your the girl that nobody pays attention to because you are way more happy if I can't see you in real life
georgie`: loooooooooooool
CrazySaint: lollllllllllllll
CrazySaint: your the girl
georgie`: bwuhahahahahahaha
CrazySaint: am i the girl?
Pangaea: looks like it
georgie`: CrazySaint a girl?
* CrazySaint checks wats inside the pants
georgie`: looooooooool
georgie`: hahahahahaahahahaha
georgie`: lmao
CrazySaint: rabbitear wanna help me to check it out
rabbitear: okay it wasn't that funny
georgie`: looooooooooooooool
Pangaea: give saint a magnafiyiny lense
georgie`: hahahahaha
georgie`: lmao CrazySaint
Pangaea: actully no.. microscope
CrazySaint: no need Pangaea
CrazySaint: :P
Pangaea: feck it... a partical accelorator
georgie`: hahahaha
CrazySaint: u can see it from eiffelk tower even
CrazySaint: lolll
georgie`: looooooool

I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing

I could stay awake just to see you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you are far away and dreaming
I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever and ever
I don’t wanna close my eyes
I don’t wanna fall asleep
Cause I miss you, baby
And I don’t wanna miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I’d still miss you, baby
I don’t wanna miss a thing
And I don’t wanna miss one smile
And I don’t wanna miss one kiss
Well I just wanna be with you right here
With you just like this
Well I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time
Don’t wanna close my eyes
I don’t wanna fall asleep
Cause I’d miss you, baby
And I don’t wanna miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I’d still miss you, baby
And I don’t wanna miss a thing
Don’t wanna close my eyes
I don’t wanna fall asleep
Yeah, I don’t wanna miss a thing….

Today's Agenda

8AM- Breakfast at Mc.Donald's with Genny and Ruth

10AM - Jasmine's Wedding
Reception at Villa Virginia Resort

2PM - Meet Aris & Charvie
Re: Reservation and Registration for the Field Trip
Form for the Christmas Party

3PM - Coffee Break @ STARBUCKS with Migs

4PM - Deaf Festival: Cultural Show @CSB

6PM - DAW Closing Ceremony @ Quezon Circle

7PM - Dinner/Party.

10PM - Chat with Lester
Re: Deaf Rowing Team Management

Smoking in Mirc

UnAsigned: Melissa`
Melissa`: what?
UnAsigned: do u still smoke
Melissa`: yea why?
UnAsigned: gimmie
Melissa`: no u don't smoke
Melissa`: besides i won't contribute to the delinquency of a minor
Melissa`: lol
UnAsigned: i used to
UnAsigned: do ur kids
Melissa`: not that i'm aware of
UnAsigned: gimmie 1
Melissa`: ok i'll dcc u one
UnAsigned: k
UnAsigned: sigh
Melissa`: did u get it?
UnAsigned: no
UnAsigned: i think u sent me the wrong pic
Melissa`: oh
UnAsigned: dirty mel
Melissa`: yah i sooo am
* Melissa` rolls her eyes
UnAsigned: :(
georgie`: umel
Melissa`: memel
Melissa`: lol
georgie`: lol

INVERTED

* `eigroeg is now known as georgie`
[15:50] oh! georgie turned around :)
[15:50] looooooool

An Intruder

Last night I was in my usual habit of chatting online, however, I wasnt chatting at all. I was instead, downloading music. Yup! I was downloading music files being sent by online friends. Seriously, I was! I had downloaded two music files before I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I went back in my room after I closed the lights in the common room. My roomates we're all on vacation since it's semestrial break so, I was left alone in the apartment. It wasn't long as I was clearing my bed with some stuff when I noticed the door was shaking as if someone is trying to get my attention by shaking it. Being deaf, I will not be able to hear a knock even if you knock louder unless I am holding something that can send impact of the sound or vibration.

I stared at the door in disbelief. Now who could it be at this hour of the night? I am sure it can't be my roomate as it's soo late in the night besides, she told me she will be back after three weeks and its just less than a week since she left. So, I wondered if it's the guard. But why would the security come up and shake my door? Is there an emergency? Is there a fire? I don't smell any smoke. We had an earthquake a few days or week back. I can't remember though when exactly it was but what I remember was the earthquake was strong because it shook the entire bed. I felt it even I was moving....but that night I didn't feel any earthquake. So I went near the door and quickly double locked it. I was glad I have the habit of locking the door knob otherwise, we'll never know.... Anyway, after double locking the door, the shaking didn't stop. Oh shit! someone is truly outside prolly wanting to get in or for me to open the door but there was no knocking. I went on my knees to look at the bottom of the door with my face on the floor to see if there was light. Surely if this is an emergency, whoever is outside would open the lights as it was completely dark when I turned off all the lights in the common room.

But again, shit! no lights and it was completely dark! I moved away and went to my bed. My laptop was beside me. I was scared shit as hell!!! This is NOT a joke, the door is shaking!!! I typed messages on my laptop, the first person I informed was...icks! my mexican bf... sheesh! No help as to what I will do! I saw another friend online and told him what is happening. He said to call the police. Oh dear, how can I? I'm deaf. Again the door shook. F*@#! HELP! I was trembling that moment but I did not scream. I cannot scream, it's not me. I don't scream or become hysterical in this kind of situation 'cuz if I do that I will break into laughter. It's not me golly and I am serious I DON'T scream for help. I was trying to think what to do, I was aware I was losing my right sense of thinking by asking people online for help. But shit! How can I call? I don't know the police number. The fone at Dad's house was cut and I don't have my address booklet so, I don't know any friends or relatives I can call for help. This is such a BUMMER!!! I saw my cellphone on the table and grabbed it. The first person I sent a text message was my brother Steff (he is 8 years older than me). Next, our eldest brother Ferdie and then the secretary of the building. I asked her to please have the security guard come up and to turn on all the lights in the common room and check the place. It took like forever before I saw lights outside and knew there was help already. When I opened my room door I saw the cleaning lady clutching the keys and the guard was entering the other room beside mine with his gun on the ready. It was real and scary.The cleaning lady had a worried look on her face and I told her what happened.... When the guard came out he went to the bathroom and checked the window. He said everything is okay. Nobody is inside. I asked if he had checked the fire escape. He went there and we followed. He checked first the other room and even checked underneath the bed. Nobody was there. He opened the door leading to the fire escape and checked. Nothing. PHEW!

But I did tell them I saw the door was really shaking as if someone is moving it, trying to get in or calling my attention.They told me it must be the wind. WHAT? I had all my bags hanged at the door, the bags were heavy enough to steady the door and beside, the door wasnt shaking slightly! How can a wind shake a door that violent? They told me not to worry and to lock everything. I left all the lights on in the common room and I didn't sleep until I felt truly tired and sleepy. I tried to do some stuff to make me stay awake as I still feel shaken by the experience and sleep won't come. I even notice I called for my cousin's help in msn. God! this is terrible! Steff sent me a message this morning asking how I am. The secretary of the building also sent me a text message asking how I am and if everything is okay now. I thanked them both and assured them everything is okay and that I am fine now. Steff told me to go home if I will be left alone in the apartment but I cannot do that as I still have work in College.

Anyway, that experience taught me a few things: First of all is to be MORE CAREFUL! 2nd, to have double lock on the door of the common room. 3rd, get a new handset of fone that has special features so I can feel the vibration and know when someone answer my call and lastly is to keep emergency numbers with me at all times!

SMILE

Smile, though your heart is aching

Smile, even though it's breaking

When there are clouds in the sky

You'll get by...

If you smile

With your fear and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just...

Light up your face with gladness

Hide every trace of sadness

Although a tear may be ever so near

That's the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what's the use of crying

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just...

Smile, though your heart is aching

Smile, even though it's breaking

When there are clouds in the sky

You'll get by...

If you smile

Through your fear and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile...

That's the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what's the use of crying

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile

These tears I cry

These tears I cry
Drawn from a well of sorrow
A well so deep
That it knows no end
Just like the tears
Waiting for their turn to fall


These tears I cry
Walking alone the road of life
I stumble and fall
Over the edge of despair
Trying to find a way out
Only to realize that there is none


These tears I cry
As I remember
All the grief and pain grasp my heart
Now too fragile it might just burst
And my hope and love all disappear
Gone lost forevermore


These tears I cry
Like sharp, deadly arrows
So angry and fast
And so hot they burn my cheeks
Like salty waterfalls
Rushing to meet the end


These tears I cry
While hoping they'll stop
But knowing they'll never will
For a river keeps flowing
Waterfalls keep rushing down
And my well knows no end


Like the tears I cry



Special thanks to sweethatred

A grain of sand and heaven

to see the world

in a grain of sand

and heaven

in a wild flower

holds infinity

in the palm

of HIS hand

and eternity

in an hour...

DAC's Halloween Party

These pictures are courtesy of Carolyn and were all taken from last Saturday night. The spooky party started at promptly 8pm and ended at 11pm.We hanged out at Lovella's pad until 1am before going to Thomas Morato to get some booze and chill.

We stayed in a bar with pool and karaoke. Art and I were both so hungry by the time we reached Quezon City at around two o' clock in the morning.We ended up ordering and eating grilled seafoods, chicken and pancit.

The Fantastic 4 (Gilbert, Macky, Art and I) shared the bills of our first HOLY meal. (it was Sunday already)while others had their own groupings. Most of them were drinking beer, I was only having coffee to keep me awake.

I ended up going home at 3am. Ruben & Andref went
went home with me and I slept at 5am. I have a tutorial

this Sunday from 2-6pm... It was truly one HELL of a

fun!!!

KID's TALK these days...

BOY:
"Can I touch you softwear?"

GIRL:
"Show me first your hardware."

BOY:
"Can I install it in your system?"

GIRL:
"If you protect it with ANTI-VIRUS!"

Sabado Night!

Claire's birthday bash!
It was Sabado Night, it was the gig of the night. I was actually rushing earlier in the morning from meeting my college students at 9am to 12noon then, I rushed to my tutor that ended at 3pm. Next, the mall, I had to get myself something to wear for an hour at the mall. Just an HOUR!!! Luckily, I caught up with the train and I didn't get late at the meeting place. Whew! We all met at 6pm in Mc.Donald's Taft Ave. We huddled together in a friend's car, actually my ex's. Pfff! Anyway, we headed to Glorietta 3 for the birthday dinner amidst the traffic and when we got there we couldn't find the restaurant..thanks to my ex for leading the way.Sheesh!

Anyway, the food was great, we all had pasta after pasta of spaghetti, lasagna, pizzas and lotsa lotsa iced teas!!! I must have drank too much 'cuz I felt my stomach was like a sponge afterwards....

more pics taken after dinner in an open lounge and we had a couple of drinks and chit-chats.... I was as usual staging a scenario of comedy or I was prolly getting tipsy.LOL!

Because You Loved Me!

To: ‘Bubbles and MrLynd
From: Nilla

Because You Loved Me
By Celine Dion

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy that you gave to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I’ll be forever thankful
You’re the one who helped me up
Never let me fall
You were the one who saw the truth
Through it all

Chorus:

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best that was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faith coz you believed
I was everything that I am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings
You made me fly
You touched my hands
I could touch the sky
I lost my faith
You gave it back to me
You said no star is out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I’m grateful for each day you gave to me
Maybe I may not know that much,
but I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were always there for me
Your tender ways that carried me
You light up a star
shinning your love into my eyes
You’ve been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place
Because of you.

People

People are often unreasonable
illogical, and self-centered
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, People may accuse
you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some
false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank,
people may cheat you;
Be honest and franks anyway.

What you spend years building,
someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness,
they may e jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today,
People will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have,
and it may never be enough
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis,
it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

Sonnets

I

After the rain, the sun will appear
It will shine through you
Within you, to light the gloom
After the storm, the sky will clear up
Where there is darkness, there is hope.
And the sun will shine through you
Within you, to light the gloom...
After you were gone
I faced a new phase of life,
I braved things alone
Even though I knew it won't be easy
and i have to start all over again.
Because after you, of course,
Life still have to go on for me.


II

Each day when i think of you
It makes me smile, dream and afterwards
I would be laughting hard
for recalling all the days that are past and gone
Then, I would sigh
My laughters would fade
and my joys turns into a solemn thought of the reality
that I am all alone now,
it makes me feel cold and empty.
But nevertheless, life still goes on for me
Even without you
For i know, someday or somehow
There will be a time If we are truly meant to be---
I knew, you'd come back home to me...


III


When the sun shines
You write in wishpers
you smile upon recalling
the old golden days
thinking deep beneath...
I wish i could melt your blues
and ease away the pain that hurts
you know I would
and i would love too,
just for you.
But the sun
is not shinning here
and there's no wishper
except tears...


IV


Yesterday,
If you could remember our yesterday
Sweet as the honey and flowers of May
And if you remember our past,
that had happened so fast
The stream that flows to the sea
the wind to the skies and to the trees
our love I know has never ended
and all the times we have shared
But the things that happened in the past
I know all will never come back
you are for me
the ONLY ONE
no matter what you have become...

RELEASE ME

I know that it's time for a change
Mmm but when that change comes
Will you still feel the same?
How many times have I tried to turn this love around?
I don't want to give up
But baby it's time I had two feet on the ground

Can you release me
Can you release me
Now that you're gone
I can't help myself from wondering
Oh, if you'd have come down from your high
Would we've been all right?

Release me
Can you release me

Chorus:

Come on baby, come on baby
You knew it was time to just let go
'Cause we want to be free
But somehow it's just not that easy
Come on Darlin', hear me Darlin
''Cause you're a waste of time for me
I'm trying to make you see
That baby you've just got to release me

Release me
Release me
I'm not going back to you anymore
Finally my weakened heart is healing though very slow
So stop coming around my door
'Cause you're not gonna find
What you're looking for

(Chorus)

What is this power you've got on me
What is this power, Oh What is it,
What is it

(Chorus)

Release me
Will you release me
Ah...
Release me
Will you release me

I Can

I can live
I can love
I can reach the heavens above
I can right what is wrong
I can sing just any song.
I can dance,
I can fly--- And touch the rainbow in the skies
I can be your GOOD FRIEND
I can love you, until the end...

What took you so long to make me see
How lucky I am coz I am free
Free to do the things I wanna do

What took you so long to make me feel
I can give love, a love so REAL
What took you so long to let me know....that

I can live
I can love
I can reach the heavens above
I can right what is wrong
I can sing just any song.
I can dance, I can fly---and touch the rainbow in the skies
I can be your GOOD FRIEND
I can love you, until the end...

What took you so long to make me cry,
so I will know the reason why
I'm so lucky I can smile
I didn't know this for a while...


For my friends Maru Dahan and Melissa Johnson,thank you for your gift of TRUE FRIENDSHIP!

^melissa^ is away (how.can.life.be.so.sweet.one.day.and.so.sour.the.next)

Apology

I guess i wanted time for you to heal, or mostly cause im a coward, i dont know wich reason is the more accurate...another reason is cause ive realized i gave you much pain rather than giving you what you truly deserved...love, one thing i must tell you is that i didnt got back to her, i never did...i dont know if u'll believe me or not, nor i dont know if this mail will be between us or will you share to the internet community, but one thing is for sure, im truly sorry for all the pain i left behind and im sorry im a jerk, as i said i dont know if u'll forgive me or i dont know if i truly deserve to be forgiven but please do know that i am sorry and i regret that things happened the way they did, and im sincerely happy that you've found someone else and that someone is making you happy, because you truly deserve to be happy and deserve someone who appreciates you and loves you with the intensity that you do...be good, smile big and give yourself the chance of happiness
take good care and once again im sorry...

"A day without a smile was never a good day at all" Andrés Huerta

This is the very letter I got from Nicotine^ after I sent him an email asking why does he ask or comment on me now after all has come to pass. He saw my blog on the Chambers of Secrets: How Do I Love Thee… and left 2 messages in my tag board. His messages read:

20 Sep 06, 12:46
nico^jerk: im sincerely happy you found some1 else and that you are fine, take good care and smile! ciao!!
20 Sep 06, 12:43
nico^jerk: I'm truly sorry for all i did, even though i dont deserve ur forgiveness im sorry from the bottom of my heart

For the three months time since he said goodbye here he is just 8 days shy away from my birthday. Reading his email, obviously, has two things to say. One is to apology and second is either to test if the door is still open for him or because he had seen that I have someone else, he could be jealous and wants me back but seeing that I have moved on, oh well…what else can he say now? Other than to wish me well, to smile BIG and be happy…Friends rallied on my side upon seeing his comment on my blog. Nobody trust him anymore. Majority advised me to move on and forget him. I deserve someone else better. Andres has hurt me so much. “Do you want to spend the next 6 months of your life crying and going through the same hell he gave you when you were still together?” I remember my Pop saying this to me. “You know Georgie, about flowers and bees?” A bee flies from one flower to another. It sucks every sweetness it gets before leaving and going to the next flower. It doesn’t come back anymore once it got everything. “Good! now you know. Don’t play with his game, don’t let yourself be a part of it.”

From day one we ended our relationship, I almost had nothing else to ask God but to make him happy and hope his ex will love and take good care of him as much as I did, no matter it was through online. I keep praying for help and guidance that I may come to understand the meaning of love he has towards her. Help me to be strong, to go on with my life, to ease the hurt and pain…and if possible, if one day he come to realize….to please bring him back or else just erase every memories. I’ve been struggling so hard in those three months…. I will wait until our anniversary, until the first month of our break-up, until my birthday and last, until Christmas.

My friends Melissa and Ivy could only look at me. Ivy said, “Nothing will be lost if you want to wait but … Good, you set a limit for yourself.” Melissa on the other hand said, “Geo, he hurts you so much, he just want to get rid of his guilt. But if you love him, whatever you decide, I will support you. I will stand by you.” Pop said, “nilla..if you want nico...go after him with all you got....if not...run away fast and leave it alone...dont play in the middle of the field.”

I thought and thought about all of these things. I knew that the mind and heart never goes together, they may meet half way but only one always rule… If I am to let my heart rule over my head, I’d give Nicotine^ every chance to come back ‘cuz deep inside I still love him so. I’m willing to give it one more try. However, I see no sincerity on his part. He just wanted to apologize, huh!? But even his apology doesn’t sound sincere judging the fact he even mentioned he never got back with his ex. (his point is….) To use my head before I follow my heart, I sent him an email telling him to come online and talk with me about what he said in his email… No reply. Next thing I heard he was going to the hospital. My sympathy went with him. I got in touch with him on his mobile and for the first time he replied: “Within 4 hours I will be in hospital scared mostly.” I TRULY got his message!!! I replied saying: “I got your msg. WOW! What happen to you? Hope you will be well. Take care! When you get out, let me know.” I didn’t expect him to reply again but he did. “Thx I will.”

I was so surprised! I didn’t reply for a few hours after that. I remember when we were still together he never replied to me on my mobile although he used to say he did send several messages, that he tried but it seems I never got any of them. How come all of a suddenly, now…I am beginning to think he has LIED SO MUCH to me!!!! When I sent another message, I said: “Pardon, but do you know who I am?” There was no reply and I waited the next day before I asked him again: “Still no idea who I am? Or you probably realize your mistake when you replied back to me yesterday.” He replied: “Cathy right? Back still killing me but all ok.” I asked if he is still in the hospital or home resting and what happen to his back again, did he broke it? Is it because of too much domino games or cybering in msn? And take good care.” His last reply was: “Still here was due to carrying heavy stuff.” I tried to reply back but I already run out of credit…

One more day in Mexico before my birthday, I sent him another message: “How long you gonna stay? Is your fiancée taking good care of you? She better or I will put your two fingers on your forehead (sign language for stupid) Well, 2day is my birthday and we have typhoon signal #3!!! GREAT J Very POWERFUL!!!” I did not hear from him. Until my birthday ended along with the raging storm that swept the country….

I’m back to zero, to the starting point where he left me in tears…. I almost started my life anew and yes with Aryan. I’ve been happy for a while but I cannot deny that Andres still reside very much in my heart and Aryan knows. Moreover, Aryan and I have a big culture and religion difference. Those difference doesn’t allow us to be together no matter what. I know Aryan loves me so much, he fought for me and remain true to this day. However, there is something in our life that we both decide to choose and take, that is--- to end things and remain good friends. It was the only way…

I have always said to my mom and pop that I will never hurt Aryan the way Nico did to me. If Nicotine comes back and I am still with Aryan, he won’t have any chance. But Andres came at the time when things were long over. I love Andres very much! God knows that… He is asking for forgiveness and at the same time telling me he never got back with his ex---He NEVER DID! But honestly, I don’t know. Because, he refuse to talk or make things clear with me….

“You didn’t reply, probably your fiancée or maybe your wife got hold of your mobile. Sorry…. I should never text and care. It doesn’t matter to you. I wish you did not bother me, are you apologizing just so you can go back to your ex and marry her? Or are you afraid your future child might turn worse than DEAF? …. Enough! Why do you have to tell me you never got back to her? You are only hurting me DEEPER! Happy? That’s what you want; it makes you feel good. I’m tired! …. You are just cleansing your guilt! How much more you want to take from me? I’d give you the last grip I hold of my life if you want! … Why don’t you be MAN ENOUGH? Don’t be a loser and jerk. I did not love you to become like that. Don’t lie! Learn to speak for yourself…..”

I can’t remember anymore what else I said to him. I was just simply too overwhelmed by the pain I have inside. Andres never replied… I don’t know whether out of guilt or whether out to avoid hurting me more than enough or simply he is being a coward again or he doesn’t know what do and say? That’s NOT love. When you love someone one else, you need not ask what to do or say. You yourself will know from your heart…. “if you want nico...go after him with all you got....if not...run away fast and leave it alone...dont play in the middle of the field.”

I tried…

“You asked Jesus to help you, why did you also ask TOM CRUISE for help? What’s your point in telling me you never got back with her if you only wanted to apology? Just tell me if you want me back or I go away…”

No reply…
…an email.

I asked you through text message in your mobile. I am sure you got it. Don't play dumb. I will ask you again one more time...
You asked Jesus to help you. Why did you also ask TOM CRUISE for help? What's your point telling me you NEVER got back with you ex if you only want to apology? Just tell me if you want to come back or I go away....
Stop being a coward and jerk Andres. Help yourself cuz you cannot always be like that for the rest of your life....Aryan and I are no more when you sent that comment in my message tagboard. The reason is--- YOU!
Please let's make this clear. Answer me!

Now that I’m back to where I started since the day he walked out of my life…I truly wonder how much strength I have left on my hold with life… He has taken half of it the first time and I guess it didn’t satisfy him enough and he came back to take what remains of my grip in life…… Andres, if you can read this or if you are reading this blog right now…I’ve written one more poem for you.

I’m Waiting for YOU, Up in the Skies.

another year and so...another BIRTHDAY and another year older!!! ;D

I'm Waiting for You, Up in the Skies

When I'm gone,
don't be sad and blue.

When dreams fail,
there's tomorrow.

You know
where to find
me...

Look up,

('Cause) I'm waiting for you,
Up in the skies...

June 14, 2006

Another Dream

Ahh!
another
dream...
you met
my family.
my mom
was all
SMILES...
she was
happy...
I end up
crying...
saying: "I didn't
realize she would
live long to meet
you."

S for Superman

My student Francis was having spelling lessons and one day, he showed me a picture of a cartoon superhero in red cape and asked me for the name.

Francis: "Teacher Georgie what is the name of this man?"
Teacher Georgie: "Oh, that is SUPERMAN. You didn't know?"
Francis: "No, I didn't."
Teacher Georgie: (smiling) "But now you know. So, do you know the spelling?"
Francis: (thinking) "What is the spelling of his name?"
Teacher Georgie: (signing in finger-spelling) S-u-p-e-r-m-a-n."

Francis left as he practiced spelling the name...The next day he run excitedly upon seeing me and told me:

Francis: Teacher Georgieeee!!!! I already know the spelling!!!! Look!"
Teacher Georgie: "Really? Great! tell me!"
Francis: "S-U-P-E-R"

he paused for a while trying to recall what letter is next...

Teacher Georgie: "What's next?"
Francis: "Dont help me. I know, I know!"

I looked at Francis in amusement, he looked back at me and grinned.

Francis: S-U-P-E-R....L-I-N-E-S. There! I am right! see! I know because, I saw it yesterday on the way home."

I laughed so hard.

Teacher Georgie: "No, Francis that's the name of a bus!"

A Dream

You know what?
I just had the
WIERDEST dream.

We were together.

Now that's sick!

really....

WIERD!

tsk!

I was
in your arms....

just a dream...

nothing else more.

"A person isn't who they are during the last conversation you had with them.
They are who they've been throughout your whole relationship."

Stalker

What is a stalker?
Isn't it someone who is obssessed with another person
and who follows that person everywhere?
Someone who keeps calling and etc...


Someone who just won't leave someone else.
Who keeps bugging and is being
an annoying individual!


However, can you call a legal girlfriend or boyfriend
a stalker to the one he or she loves?
Is calling the person you are in a relationship
a stalker?

And is loving someone sincerely,
who you value in your life,
you give importance to on
what that person has to
say or do.
Or you just wanted to know
simply because,
you love everything
about that person
and not because you are obssessed.
Can you call that a stalker and obssessed?

Besides, you were still very much
together and you have rights,
to call the person you love.
Unless, you break up
and you continue
keeping track or calling.
That's truly stalking.


I got an annonymous comment on my previous blog
and I can clearly say this person is a STALKER.
Aside from being a coward
for commenting yet remaining anonymous.
I said, this person is a stalker cuz even after this person
no longer has any connection with me
nor do I care to give this person the slightest thought
eversince I left their friggin channel in chat.
However, this person who commented on my blog
keeps track of my blog and the things I say or post.

So, that's a perfect example of stalking.

Prayer

Lord, through our days be full of stress and worry,
We know that we have a shinning rock of love and hope in you.
May we come running to you in everything.
Whether it be our joys, our triumphs, our downfalls, and our tragedies.
You are the one constant presence in our lives.

Amen.

The Chambers of Secrets: How Do I Love Thee

Let me count the ways…I love thee…because you are:

Jolly
Outgoing
Serious
Enthusiastic

Adorable
Nice
Desirable
Realistic
Energetic
Sensitive

Humble
Unique
Elegant
Romantic
Talented
Admirable

Valorous
Artistic
Loveable
Terrific
Idealistic
Earthbound
Redundantly Royale!

But most of all, I love you because you are YOU!
and you make me happy.
You light my world and bring laughter.
You made me feel what is it like to love so real,
You made me cry and feel the way I do....
I love you FOREVER because...
you made me feel LOVED!


:)

I wrote this at the time when I was still very much in love with my Mexican boyfriend. We were very much an item back then. But now that we are no longer together and I read this post it made me reflect on the things we had and on myself... We wrote this poem together. Together, we shared so many things by talking online, almost everyday as time would allow him or us. He works and there's a great time difference between us. He only tried sometimes to find the time no matter how busy he is and I managed to spend sleepless nights waiting for him online almost everyday and wake up the next day at five o'clock in the morning to be on time for work....I remember him apologizing for ruining my time life for disrupting my sleeping schedule and everything. I didn't say a thing because for me it didn't matter. What matter is we get to talk and be together even only just through the webcam. What matter is we give time and importance on each other.... I thought I was truly important back then... Now that we are no longer an item, I realize so many things. Things that perhaps I failed to see or almost failed to realize because I was too blind by the feelings I had for him...It was a painful break up that made me cry. I still cry sometimes when the memory flashes back or when I feel the hurt and pain. People close to me said, that I won't get hurt if I didn't allow anybody to hurt me and that pain is something I need to experience in order for me to see things. Now that I have seen them, I should be THANKFUL 'cuz I gotten myself out of it. I am better OFF WITHOUT him.

Sometimes, when I am told of those things it just saddens me not because he left me to get back with his ex. But because of the wonderful things we had shared which he just carelessly threw away without a thought or care. What we had didn't matter to him at all... Perhaps, because he rather get himself screwed than to have someone who is truly sincere. I remember in one of our chat he told me he is scared. I understood what he meant by being scared. He didn't want to be fooled again or to have his heart broken to pieces again....Before I met Andres Huerta-Valtier and before we became together, Andres and his ex were about to get married. But she left him for someone else aside that his future mother-in-law-to-be got in the way of their marriage because, the girl's mother wanted Andres to have her daughter the luxuries and neccessity of living in a fully paid house and lot, expensive furnitures and a jaguar in the garage. He couldn't provide them except a two room apartment. She left him even after he forgave her for cheating. She went on seeing another guy and as Andres told me, "it was the last straw!" He tried to take away his own life. He was almost in the brink of death yet that didn't even moved her to go back to him and prove her TRUE love for him. Three years later Andres and I met online.... and so, I DO understand his fears. I never wanted him to walk on eggshells yet, he made me walk on it without me realizing where he had lead me to walk on in the time we were together. I was too blind like I said. Nevertheless, I took risk and loved him. I knew not only his fears but his troubles, pain and weakness as well. I helped him get on with his life. He said, I gave him meaning and I made him look at the bright side of things in life. That I was HIS LIFE! he even used to tell our friends, he found me and that he will NEVER walk alone again in the dark. He told me I was the light of his life that was once dark....(me grins) You can say its a typical lines of men who are a sweet talker....Anyway, what hurts me is when the time things was getting better in his life eversince we became together and right from the moment his ex-gf learned that Andres got a job as a consultant in an accounting firm suddenly she wants to reconcile with him. Andres was becoming a better person abstaining from his active sex life, trying to quit smoking and drinking, he even went to gym to do fitness and he was working doubly hard for us to be together and get married. He told me he wanted to sell the bar and start another one here in my country. But all of those things did not materialize anymore because she pressured him to get back together and he succumbed. Or I believe because he truly loved her more than he loved me. That it won't matter to him if he would appear STUPID by choosing to be still with her even after all the things she did.... That is love. I try to understand that. But in my own opinion, I cannot love someone back again like that. The hurt would be there knowing she didn't value what we had and did not care for what we had. They were three years together and she cheated at the time they were suppose to get married. Andres loved her enough to forgive her yet, she went on seeing the other guy and when Andres was dying she didn't even care. Now that Andres is getting better, here she is... I remember Andres told me he wanted to be loved NOT for what he have but for what HE IS. I wonder if she truly loved him for what he is...Cuz if she does, why didn't she fight for what they had before? Why didn't she come back when he was about to die? WHY COME BACK ONLY NOW??? I never knew why and why only after three years time was she able to come to terms with her mother to agree to live in a two by two room apartment. I don't wanna think she was in love with what comfort he can offer her. But the way things happened, it looks so. Andres went back to her and broke up with me not knowing WHY ONLY NOW she thought of coming back to him.... I only wish he will not have any regrets. I wish he is happy and that she is NOW TRULY TRUE to him. I hope she will never leave him when the time comes and he is good for nothing again or someone who is no use to her. Love is not like that, you stick with the person you love no matter what. I stood with Andres both in good and bad times. I loved and accepted him for what he is not for what he have. He used to promise me grand things which I politely declined and instead I asked for simple things... I am not comparing myself to his ex but the fact that I gave what he thought he would never have. I gave him sincerity in a time and world when he was full of doubts. I made him believe again only to be left alone in the dark.However, I refuse to be chained with my past so moved on day by day. I went to face the world. Now, I am happy with someone else. It was just after a month when I found someone new. I don't want to rush things this time because, I wanna be sure that I am over with what Andres and I once had. I know that it takes time to heal and rebuild a shattered trust. Only in my case the healing was fast not because I was depressed that I quickly grabbed this chance to love again....But every single day, I prayed to God for strenght and to ease away my hurt and pain. Day by day and night after night I ask God to please help me erase the memory and help me start my life anew with Aryan.

Aryan is almost everything I have asked God for in a man. Most of all Aryan believes in God and he loves and respect the Lord. Something that I have been longing for to find in a future partner. I didn't see that in my dutch boyfriend nor in Andres. Both of them had troubles with God at the time I was with them. However, as I have often prayed to God in the past to use me as His instrument of His will and peace, perhaps that is the purpose they came to my life. It's just sad that Andres and I did not end up together 'cuz I was ready for everything and I knew very well what I was getting myself with. Moreover, what hurts is how Andres put it that the reason we parted ways was because the long distance relationship did not work. WHAT? How could it not work when infact we lasted for almost 10 months, it was almost a year and we were very happy.And it just took one day for him to say goodbye as simple as that....He even told me before that there was nothing to worry about his ex and that he just choose to help her with her problems when in TRUTH...She was trying to get back with him. So, actually, he told me LIES! And it hurts that he made me appear bad that I was obssessed with him because I keep calling him in the middle of the night. Christ! I am NOT like that. But yes, I do call him but not very often because I need to ask someone to call for me because I am a DEAF. It takes so much effort for my part just to get in touch with him. But he didn't realize or see the value in that, that it was true love not obssession. And how could I call him in another time when we have time difference. It's midnight in Mexico while in the Philippines it's broad daylight. I can only ask people to help me call in daylight time and besides it is in the middle of the night that I am sure I can get in touch with him because he is very much awake tending his bar. He sleeps in the day time in Mexico. He made me appear bad to our online friends. Only one defended me. To this day that friend of ours is still angry.

I want them to know especially those who still follow this blog that what I gave is REAL, what I have felt for Andres Huerta is REAL and that what he told them wasn't true but a LAME EXCUSES to save his face. I knew the reason why he refused to have me ask other people to call him on his cellfone not because he pays for the service but I also pay for the international calls I make for him just to know how he is and to let him know that I miss him. Oh, God! It truly made me see the real reason is because he is with his ex and he can't just turn off his cellphone because he is afraid it could be business matter and he doesn't want to miss it. But then he can never tell when will be the time I would be calling 'cuz I ask different people who are at that time is the only person with me. It wasn't easy for me to ask people to make a personal call. How I wish I wasn't deaf. It was when that time I was with Andres, it was the only time I ever wished in my life to have my hearing sense back.... Anyway, I thank God for all of these, for putting these to an end cuz in the end I have NO REGRETS!

July 6, 2006

1:30pm