Exes for Exes

Just two days ago I received an email from an ex-suitor from my high school year. He saw me in a website where I am listed (under my brother's subsription billings-mwuahahaha!). The website is sort of a high school reunion thingie list. And he is a new member. I found out he was new when I checked the site after reading his email...and uh, ohh!?! he is married already. Anyway, he still wished to get in touch with me and asked if it's okay with me and to please write him back. He even gave me his cellular number(grins!). He sure do remembers me well enough to give me his cell# instead of a landline# which is cheaper but useless for a deaf like me (hahaha!). Next, while I was at that same time loafing around mirc chat room, I suddenly saw another ex (ONLINE EX). Again, yadda yadda! talked to him and promised to keep in touch again. I even mentioned that I and another friend of ours have been seeing each other on a daily basis and that we have gotten close to each other online. BIG MISTAKE! he suddenly became quiet and talked less but that didn't dampen my spirit from messing with him (LOL!). Anyway, we parted good as friends. He even said he will send us his new picture cuz he is into a band of musican now and had grown his hair longer. I told my online best friend (who also became an ex once...) about meeting this guy online in mirc at the same channel where the three of us met all together. Looking back on those mirc days we had...time had really flown by so fast and next month will be a year since we all started making rackets in that channel... Sigh! these days I am also in touch with my ex-bf of 5 years. We've been together that long and we just broke up last January of this year. No regrets and no pain. I knew this will happen. However, it took some months before we started talking again (online). We started here in mirc and we ended here too, so I think talking back again as FRIENDS once more is only deemed fit to start here too! Right now, he is kindda having a hard time and is seeing a psycharist. It's not that he cracked when we broke up. But he had this problem even before we met and it's something to do with how he was raised and the break up of his parents marriage when he was 8 years old. I knew those factors has something to do with his personality and his present problem right now. I can only give him my support but I cannot be there for him anymore... Things have change... I move on...

When I was younger I do not like the idea of staying in touch or remain friends with anyone who walks away. Because, I do not want to deal with anything about them anymore and I do not want to remember. Anybody who leaves were shut out permanently in my life. Erased like an unwanted mistake or re-editted like a script, re-touched like a painting or picture. In other words I find it difficult to deal with something like this, that I choose to remove them entirely from my life and memories. You can say it was so immature of me to do so, because it only show that I have not gotten over the lost. I had 3 boyfriends and the first two ones were people I do not get in touch with anymore nor do I want them to remain as my friends. After breaking up with these two guys, I moved away and was never seen by them again. I avoided common friends who may get in touch with them cuz I do not want to remember or to hear anything about my exs. However, with my bf of 5 years, the third one was different. In the beginning, I told and treated him the same way. I do not want to see him anymore after we break up and that he should never get in touch with any member of my family and friends should we part ways. But he insist on getting to know how I am even long after we go on our separate ways and he wants to know whether I would even get married and have kids. In other words he wants us to remain good friends even after the break up. I refused... I do'nt like the idea...It's hard for me to be friends...Until the day we broke up... I let it go!

I never expected we would still meet again but we did and we meet here online. We talked and when I asked if it is truly over between us he said yes. It didn't hurt me at all to know we're no longer a couple and I didn't stop him from keeping in touch with me. I went on talking to him and being nice when he needs my support. We now remain friends!

I realize that being friends is not bad at all. It was good that we are still friends because, I knew he had been sincere to me and had really loved me. However, it's just that maybe we are not truly meant to be and we have to part. I feel that in all those times, in all his kindness, I should continue being supportive. I feel I owe him a lot for all his sincerity and by remaining a good friend and being there in any possible way I can help is something I feel I need to do in return. I also realize that I have become mature and accepting about this situation. Now I understand why most of them would want me to remain friends. They still have that love and respect for me. The feeling to continue to care even we are no longer together is what remain intact. I realize how dear I have been to all of them and how much being with them had enlightened their lives. Karl used to say I am someone who is not easy to forget. I don't believe so. But he said that I am because I am a good person. That I am truly a loving person. I'd like to think that a loving person is someone you dont walk away from, you would rather want to stay instead. However, there are circumstances and being together, meeting and walking along with them on my journey.... I believe had a purpose although they are with me for only a temporary time. Those moment with them has served it's purpose. To help each other and make each one of us into something what we turned out to be from our relationship. I knew Xander learned something from me. I had been happy with him in so many ways and I also learned so many things. He made me become mature and wiser. It's with him, that I learned this---To accept friendship after a break up...

Back to the guy from my high school year, we are discovering a lot about each other. We even talked about his daughter and he showed me her pictures. Oh my! what a beautiful baby! I was right when I imagined what will it look like when he gets to have his own kid. Exactly like him! So, I continue to have this friendship with them and how much comforting that we remained friends and it's so much easier to relate with them too, cuz we understand each other more. After all we've been together and shared a lot in all those years. So I know, I will have a good friendship with them and I wanna keep it that way... Well, not a bad idea, right?! ;)