I have never been angry in front of my class and this is the first! I was explaining to them about the various kinds of paragraph and what should each contains and the difference. All the time I was explaining this particular student sitting in front of me was actually talking and ignoring me completely as if she is not even aware I was standing in front of her and she is sitting right smack to me...
"What was the story all about?" I asked her. She quickly stopped signing and looked down on her table. I asked again, "What was so interesting and you can't wait to share it later after class? I am explaining here and you keep talking! You are not paying attention to me, how insulting!" I started to shake as the anger started to creep up my spine. I could feel I was getting angrier and angrier the more I talked, the more I questioned them and her, the more I felt like I was going to explode that very instant! I am not the kind of person who would lost control, NEVER in front of my class but tonight is different... I am under stress since yesterday upon hearing the horrible news of the tragic death of an extended family related member and also to find out that my future sister-in-law tested positive for tuberculosis, something incurable and we are afraid my eldest brother might also have it.
"What was the story all about?" I asked her. She quickly stopped signing and looked down on her table. I asked again, "What was so interesting and you can't wait to share it later after class? I am explaining here and you keep talking! You are not paying attention to me, how insulting!" I started to shake as the anger started to creep up my spine. I could feel I was getting angrier and angrier the more I talked, the more I questioned them and her, the more I felt like I was going to explode that very instant! I am not the kind of person who would lost control, NEVER in front of my class but tonight is different... I am under stress since yesterday upon hearing the horrible news of the tragic death of an extended family related member and also to find out that my future sister-in-law tested positive for tuberculosis, something incurable and we are afraid my eldest brother might also have it.
I am also more concerned for my father because he is no longer that strong and healthy...He is 74 and he has been getting sickly lately so I am worried of his health.... I am thinking of all of them, actually. My heart also bleeds for my sister-in-law TJ who is in the states with my brother and they cannot come home no matter how IMPORTANT and SERIOUS the situation of what happened still they "CANNOT" come home to the Philippines! They have to stay there because their papers are now under process. To come home would put everything at zero and the possibility of not getting another chance to live in the USA again. However, the incident is also something. She have to be here at this terrible situation of family crisis. BUT.... she cannot! I know that's particularly very very hard...Her father was murdered last Sunday, right inside their home. Her mother was also stabbed but she survived, thank God!. The news was so shocking for all of us. They have been a good family, religious and close knit, successful yet unselfish.How could such a horrible thing like this happen to good people? It's hard to think this happened and it's all REAL! Next, my brother I heard, even had a heart attack after hearing all the fiasco. Again, its so distressing to hear another sad news. One after another...
Anyway, back to my class, I went out of the room very angry! everyone was silent. When I came back, I looked at them one by one and told them how disrespecting; they talk in front of me while I am explaining the lessons. I may have been very lenient with them from the start simply because I trust them and I'm being considerate at their needs and in addressing their problems. However, I also made it a point not to abuse it and that when I ask a task to be done, a homework to be submitted and a requirement to be finished, I mean business! They are all grown up---COLLEGE students! and I am not dealing with babies! It was just friggin' frustrating tonight! I didn't let them leave the class on time. I ranted like I never did and all of them remained silent.... When I stopped talking one by one the students stood up and apologized. However, I rejected every apologies; I wanted to hear a reason, an explanation for such behavour....that night all of us had a very long talk inside the room. The girl who started it all was very quiet and she was the last one I asked to explain herself. She was sorry and started to cry... I moved her chair away from the rest and waited for her to calm down. When she didn't sign, I asked everyone to leave. I offered her a tissue and she wiped her tears. She sighted a relief after she looked around and realize we're alone. Then she started signing and telling me her reasons. I listened carefully and I begun to understand her more... Sometimes, studenst are full of stress and frustrations not only because they do not understand the lessons or are having a hard time approaching and relating to their teachers...well, in most cases it has more to do with their own peers. This is the reason why I'm kind of lenient as a teacher in the beginning. I wanted them to be at ease so they will be able to express what is within them especially, the things that bothers.
Students do not do well in school when they have bothered emotions. Imagine growing up and having so many pent up emotions because you feel often misunderstood and could not express what you actually wanted others to know. This hapens quite often with deaf students who's family do not know how to communicate and relate with their ways. Most of my students simply don't get the support they need at home when it comes to their academic lessons.Such as help in doing their homework and research. Their parents knows too little or nothing at all about their lessons or what they are doing in computer class. Most of the students in my class came from lower to middle class family and gets support from sponsor to pay their tuition fees. Getting failing marks is difficult when they don't do well in class. They can lost the support and end up getting terminated from the school... Going through the very core of what bothers most students to behave the way they do is quite a big factor as the key in helping them. Because, you will not only understand every student better but you can also prevent other problems from arising. In this way you save them and yourself from a lot of trouble that may link in the situations. Teachers should be sensitive and not just focus on the academics because there are other factors to be considered that affects why students fail in school inspite given financial support and and a school to study. It's not enough that they are provided financially, accepted in school, given teachers or interpreters but they also need the family, environment, emotional and social aspects to be taken cared off.
Students do not do well in school when they have bothered emotions. Imagine growing up and having so many pent up emotions because you feel often misunderstood and could not express what you actually wanted others to know. This hapens quite often with deaf students who's family do not know how to communicate and relate with their ways. Most of my students simply don't get the support they need at home when it comes to their academic lessons.Such as help in doing their homework and research. Their parents knows too little or nothing at all about their lessons or what they are doing in computer class. Most of the students in my class came from lower to middle class family and gets support from sponsor to pay their tuition fees. Getting failing marks is difficult when they don't do well in class. They can lost the support and end up getting terminated from the school... Going through the very core of what bothers most students to behave the way they do is quite a big factor as the key in helping them. Because, you will not only understand every student better but you can also prevent other problems from arising. In this way you save them and yourself from a lot of trouble that may link in the situations. Teachers should be sensitive and not just focus on the academics because there are other factors to be considered that affects why students fail in school inspite given financial support and and a school to study. It's not enough that they are provided financially, accepted in school, given teachers or interpreters but they also need the family, environment, emotional and social aspects to be taken cared off.
Finally, it was almost past 6pm when I got out from the classroom and I was eager to get home when suddenly I remembered I still have a seminar to attend. Geez! I came in late but fortunately was still admitted in. My interpreter is also a participant. We were okay in the beginning, however after break time the facilitator started lecturing really fast and my colleague missed one part and the rest was bonkers. We got stuck with the keyword thing and couldn't log in to follow the lecture. We tried getting the teacher's attention however he went on ranting. Sheesh! I sat there tinkering my blogsite not gaining any knowledge from the seminar except how to end up getting stuck in the keyword page. The facilitator forgot to inform us the keyword and not all of the computers were in connect mode to the main server. So the night I sat there kinda sitting my butts and friggin it was wasted for two hours!!! I could have just gotten straight home instead. Anyway, dinner was great "SHRIMP TEMPURA!" (wide grins). I got home past 10pm. I went online and talked to Karl about what happened. I also talked to Maryet. oh, boy! I'm shaking in anger again but thanks to Seba for humoring me. These people sure knows how to lend a hand and make the end of yer day lighter!
But then, I still think it wasn't good that I lost my cool with those kids...sigh! Should I feel guilty?!? HECK! it was a real ROUGH DAY!
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